Being a girl definitely has it's ups and downs. Here I thought I could be strong headed and stubborn as I'd always been in my entire life, but no. Now, things have changed and I feel vulnerable. Stupid vulnerable like I'd never felt before. How can a few small events change such a huge part of who I am?
I had my happy balance before and all I want is it back. Stop messing with my head. Stop it. Someone just needs to tell me how this all ends.
I love where I am right now. My weekends have been enjoyable and my friends have kept me sane through all of my work stress. My promotion helped alleviate some of my qualms toward my job, but there's still this lingering change that I don't fully understand. I want it to go away but I don't. Maybe I should just let it ride and see where this vulnerability goes. But if I go completely soft, I expect someone to punch me in my face. Bene? Bene.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
transcendence.
Like most women when they read "Eat, Pray, Love" (or at least I'm assuming), I feel the ultimate need to become more worldly and less focused on the "decays and depressions" of the physical life. I want to evolve and alleviate my thoughts into some ethereal place where my thoughts of being peaceful and devoid of any harm can carry me through my life in the most zen-like manner.
I've been evaluating the things that have crossed my path in the past few months. Although there were good times, I seem to focus only on my failures - always brooding on why my life cannot be one hundred percent of the time completely free of temptation and pain. But ah, thus is life. Right? I need to find a way to accept this pain, that I so willingly feed on, and turn it into some kind of good chakra to carry me to my ultimate goal of transcendence. BE MORE WORLDLY YOU DUMB GIRL, BE MORE UNDERSTANDING.
Is this something I'm just saying because I'm reading this book? Yes, that is quite possible. But somewhere deep down inside is some part of me trying to create this ultimate life balance.
Is this happening because those astrologists told me I'm no longer a Gemini anymore? Because I still feel like two crazy people inside. Forever and always a Gemini.
I've been evaluating the things that have crossed my path in the past few months. Although there were good times, I seem to focus only on my failures - always brooding on why my life cannot be one hundred percent of the time completely free of temptation and pain. But ah, thus is life. Right? I need to find a way to accept this pain, that I so willingly feed on, and turn it into some kind of good chakra to carry me to my ultimate goal of transcendence. BE MORE WORLDLY YOU DUMB GIRL, BE MORE UNDERSTANDING.
Is this something I'm just saying because I'm reading this book? Yes, that is quite possible. But somewhere deep down inside is some part of me trying to create this ultimate life balance.
Is this happening because those astrologists told me I'm no longer a Gemini anymore? Because I still feel like two crazy people inside. Forever and always a Gemini.
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