Because I Love Animals.

(Story and Image) via PetsDelight.us

As a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Shiba Inu named Sadako. The dog’s owners were all very attached to Sadako and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Sadako and found she was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for her, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for Sadako in their home. As we made arrangements, it was suggested that it would be good for the families four-year-old to observe the procedure. They felt he could learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Sadako’s family surrounded her. The four-year-old seemed so calm, petting his friend for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

Within a few minutes, Sadako slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Sadako’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

We sat together for a while after Sadako’s passing, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

The little boy, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me - I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, “Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life - like loving everybody and being nice.” The four-year-old continued, “Animals already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Post-Christmas

Well, Happy post-Christmas day! Call me a cynic, but I don't find any joy or warm feelings for Christmas. Maybe because my family's Asian and we don't celebrate anything that revolves around religion. My mother thinks Thanksgiving is more important because it involves a lot of food. Go figure.

So I was watching lots of sappy movies all day, because that's all that was on, and I had nothing to do. Do you know what people do when there's nothing to do? Think. So I thought about Christmas and the meaning of family and sharing the holidays with loved ones. Okay. If Christmas was all about love and whatnot, what's with all the decorations? Christmas spirit? Okay. But presents and buying things you think people want. Halt. If you think about it, half the time, you get presents that you really wish you didn't get, like the shower gel with a bar of soap that gets to join the cabinet full of toiletries from last year? How about the sweaters your mother gets you that you might wear, just once? Oh right. I forgot. The DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS! The day after Christmas seems even more important than the day of. People rush to the malls ALL on the 26th to exchange and return presents. Now, come on people. Whoever got you the gift put a lot of time and thought into buying that present for you now, didn't they? Guess not, if you have to run and return it less than 24 hours after receiving it.

The meaning of Christmas should just be a more extravagant Thanksgiving. I think it's even more of a time to give thanks to your loved ones and being around your family and friends. So, what's with all this unnecessary spending? Oh wait. Christmas is a commercialized holiday now. Christmas means lots of presents and sales and getting things that you WANT! Being a media communications major, all we study is the theoretical aspect of all forms of media and how toxic it is on society. So sorry people, when you think you need something, it's someone taking over some part of your brain to throw money at them.

Maybe it's because I don't get the meaning of Christmas, or the fact that I think that when people want stupid material things and constantly emphasize that they NEED it, I think they're completely brainwashed idiots who can't tell the difference between needing something and wanting something. Or maybe it's because I've never really had a Christmas and will understand the day I 'experience' this 'magical feeling'. Who knows. Maybe it's better to be on the outside.

Either way, your Christmas spirits can't be ruined. It's the day after Christmas now. Look out for the next holiday! Boozing New Years Eve. Yes, it should be called that.

Finished for the semester.

It's been a difficult and seemingly long semester, longer than the previous ones. I don't know, maybe it was because summer classes are in fact, short, and France was just a dream. This semester wreaked the most havoc on my mind and body, and I hope there's something rewarding that comes along. (In the near future).

I finished my last final (Genetics) and handed in my last paper (Film) yesterday. Weird combination right? Blame the MAP (Morse Academic Plan). It's the worse plan for students. Ever. To celebrate Mitchell and I went to MUD in the absence of my lovely friend, Kat who is all the way on the other side of the world, in Shanghai, hopefully having the time of her life. Whew, long sentence. I enjoyed my regular mug of mocha and French Toast. Unfortunately Mitchell was too hungover to enjoy the amazingness that is French Toast. Julia (Hoolie) came to join us for a bit before heading off to her luncheon with her father. Twas a great celebration.

However, later that day, I went to the financial aid office to, um, put it simply, beg for more money. All I got was, go online and appeal. You might get more. NEXT! I went to talk to some people afterward and this one girl says, "my father got laid off, they wouldn't even take the letter that says so and give me more money. They say I'm overrewarded." Me being the dumb person I am ask what is this 'overrewarding.' She says she gets too much scholarship/money from NYU. I ask her how much she pays a year she say's, $3000. THREE THOUSAND?! AND SHE'S COMPLAINING? Sorry, that just made me so upset. $3000 she can personally take out on loans and pay back within 1 or 2 years of graduation. $12000 total. Before her father got laid off, she still lived amongst the upper middle class. I don't understand how NYU chooses to give people money based on need. Who needs? I NEED. I have three siblings and one unemployed mother. I think we need more than that girl needs. If they're going to give her $3000, might as well give it to me.

Which brings me to the point, I am more than ecstatic to graduate this coming Spring. I haven't received my grades yet for this semester, and I'm always worried about something, but if all goes well, I will be graduating in May. I told myself I could graduate 1 year earlier. I DID. But, now I have to go job hunting and find a way to not live at home after graduation... That takes some time.

I'm off to do some applications. Til' next time.

For the Season.

To offset my little rampage on women, here's something to smile about. Plus, it's almost Christmas.

via fuckyeahhappy.tmblr.com

Girls Suck.

Given, I myself am a girl, yes. But, after experiencing the 'unsaid' and the things that are 'said,' I've come to a conclusion that girls have a mental and emotional problem. Me included.

I mean, really. If you think about it, it's come to a point where when girls say "I'm fine" absolutely everyone knows there's a problem. Girls want you to inquire, so they feel like you care. Other side, girls want you to ask to prove that you do care. From personal experience, not the road you want to take. Why not be an adult and actually say the problem? I've gotten to the point where beating around the bush takes just too long, that's why people think I'm a cynical mean bitch. Well, I'm not going to apologize for it, it's just faster. When these things happen, if you don't ask a girl what's wrong, then all the problems start. "Why didn't he/she ask?" to "NO ONE LOVES ME," to "I HATE YOU FOREVER."As a high school-er, drama is most definitely intended and most likely to happen. You're around the same people every day and when there's a situation, it spreads like wildfire. Then interpretations happen and voila, everyone knows a different story and everyone's mad. I've gotten to that point before. But now, for me, it's just "I'm fine. Don't ask. Let me deal with my problems." Only people I want advice from, are the ones I tell/ask for help. Usually problems are all in the head. As a girl, I accept this, but don't spread it around. So that's kind of hypocritical. When I'm pissed, I'm pissed. It happens to be that I take my rage out on everyone, but then again, that's how I deal with rage and rage alone. Too bad for the people that are in my way or get involved, but after, I'm better.

It's releasing the problem that helps. If you keep it to yourself, then what happens? Your psychological self concocts some stupid reasoning for what happened. Why not confront the problem? I've learned that being passive aggressive, as my family usually handles things, isn't the best road. I had to learn the hard way, but you learn eventually. Stop being so sensitive. Yeah, it's normal to feel emotions but don't take something so out of control.

My male friends tells me some girls are 'fragile' and you have to 'handle' them a certain way. Oh my lord. Fragile? Girls need to know that inside, you want to be more powerful than anyone else out there, people love (yes love) power. It's just something that's innate. If you act fragile, to get to this power, people only see that you're fragile and nothing else. Women fought for equal rights and now, if you just witness what's going on today, yes women have a place in the workforce, we make money, we can vote, but no one treats women differently. Know why? Cause we still act like we're the same dumb bitches that tend to the house. You want power, get it. Stop being so fragile, and have guys have to 'treat you like a princess' for you to feel loved and wanted. If you have a family, friends, a pet even, you are loved, don't take to other people who barely know you, or you've dated for a year to make you believe that you're worth something.

If all goes wrong, we whine and cry and talk in baby voices. What does that do? Does that make you feel more womanly? Does your "man" like that? People like you for who you are, not what they make you to be. Since when do you have to prove to someone you're more feminine and socially accepted to feel happy in your life? Happiness is key. Even though I rage a lot and people cry a lot, I know that it's just that moment. My life isn't over even when I say it is then. Tomorrow's another day. Happiness comes back. If you wallow in your sadness or rage forever how does that help you? Everyone is luckier than they think they are, they just fail to recognize it. Girls wallow. Girls hold grudges. Girls depend on other people to compliment and reassure them that they are what they think they are. Be independent. Stop fishing for compliments and finding people to make you feel better about yourself. If you are who you are, people will either accept or deny you. That's it. Black and white.

Girls, women, female human beings. Let me preach to you a little more. If you stop worrying about what everyone thinks and take your issues and solve them in appropriate time, you will live a happy life. Appreciate what you have and disband yourself from people and things that make you think otherwise. It just leads to unnecessary stupid thoughts and creations of invalid arguments. Get a hold of yourself. Live to be you. Live for you. Happiness is key.

Storytime.

Below is something I found from my old xanga (the blogger before blogspot and tumblr). It's quite amusing. Read for kicks.

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:**

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will
pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework
tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.

You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to
me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, so sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.

There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and
anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
Rebecca
and Gary.

THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.

(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo
bay.The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.

(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary )
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine
headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic
whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I
have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)
Asshole.

(Gary)
Bitch

(Rebecca)
FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.

Endurance.

After a long night of viewing movies and reading articles, I woke up late today, again. But, this time, I had a plan. The previous night, I read an article about Polish food linked from Serious Eats: New York to The Girl Who Ate Everything. The restaurant is called Lomzynianka it's located in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, in what seems to be the Polish community of Brooklyn. I don't know anything about Polish food and didn't know who would want to make this trek with me in the middle of finals (I was craving pierogies) but I thought of my dear Polish friend, Faustyna. She happily agreed to take on this adventure with me so we met up (in the cold bitterness that is winter), in front of Strand Bookstore. The restaurant is easy to find, one block way from the G train off of Nassau Ave.

We sat down and I gladly gave her all the decisions in what we would order, except pierogies. That was my idea. So, in total, we ordered mushroom and barley soup, Pyzy, which is ground meat, it tasted like beef, boiled inside a gnocchi-like dough, fried potato pierogies, and blueberry and cheese blintzes with a cranberry juice for me and a black currant juice for her. Our appetizer of mushroom and barley soup definitely hit the spot, just because it's absolutely freezing. It was served with a basket of bread and complementary slaw that I believe comes with any meal. After came our pierogies and Pyzy. The pierogies were fried perfectly - crispy on the inside and soft mashed potato-y goodness on the inside. Pyzy was a new dish for me to experience. I loved the dough, it was definitely made like gnocchi but there's just a lot more surrounding the meat in the dish - it looks like a potato. I love potatoes. Everything is not heavily salted as the dishes had flavor in themselves, but they always have salt handy for those like me who likes a bit more salt on her dishes. The main course took quite some time, a few couples came in and out as we enjoyed this course of our meal. Delicious. The blintzes however, were the best part of the meal. Not too sweet and perfectly fried. It came with a side of sour cream and even though I don't like sour cream, it complemented the dessert just oh-so-well. To say the least, Faustyna and I endured a 3 hour food coma.

Polish food is the simplest of foods. All the ingredients are simple, the way the food is cooked is also, so very simple (usually boiled or fried) and the results are most exquisite. If I lived in Greenpoint, I'd visit every day until I tried everything available on the menu and again. My experience in Polish food isn't too great, but this restaurant in comparison to what I had at Little Poland on 2nd Avenue, yielded much better results. I heavily approve, as does Polish Faustyna.

I'm currently working on my last paper that's only 5-7 pages focusing on a part of the film industry. I chose distribution. This is easy to write, I just don't have the patience to. I came to Starbucks hoping to get some work done. I did. But now I'm procrastinating. I don't trust anyone here so I can't leave all my things to get some much needed coffee.

It's terribly cold today.

via pegobry.tumblr.com

Good morning, New York.

Oh. Hi. It's early morning and I have give or take 1 and a half to two pages left. I'll write them tomorrow. I went blog/tumbling and found this.

via pegotry.tumblr.com

That is a wall of books. That is a HUGE wall of books. I want that huge wall. What do they do? How do they get books? I'm so freaked out and in awe right now. That's so impressive.

It's called the "wall of knowledge." No, it's not real, but it is a concept for the Stockholm library. Quite impressive. I think I'll just take this concept into my future mansion-house thing. It'll probably be made out of books.

A Change Is Gonna Come.

Well it hasn't been a long time coming, but I always hope a change will come. Currently listening to Otis Redding's version of Sam Cooke's classic. It makes me want to cry for him. My life isn't and I hope, will never get to such hardships. I'm just taking a much needed break from my persuasion/politics paper. A few pages to go!

The past week has just been hectic for everyone at any school. It was either finals week, or the week heading up to finals week which is always some kind of crazy. Only two weeks to go! I'm currently surrounded by books trying to give my brain a break but here I am, blogging. Big no no. Oh well. I guess more writing can inspire something? Well I hope so. I'm getting somewhere in my paper. Success! Anyhow I can't say much about this past week as it seems I don't remember it. And no, not because I drank myself to the point of oblivion but because I was delirious and running on pure caffeine. Let's put it this way. When I drink coffee now, I want to go to sleep. Therefore, I am on this tea craze to relax my body and hopefully caffeine will start working again in approximately 5 hours. My body is weird.

So, I applied to a few internships last week, but I haven't applied to any big names that I wanted to yet which I should have done first. That comes tomorrow...sometime tomorrow I hope. My dream is to work at Food Network or be cast on Glee. Who knows, what could happen? Haha. Big dreams. Anyway, while applying, I came across this volunteer opportunity for "Broadway in South Africa." I happen to like Broadway and since it is Christmas time I felt the need to be giving and ta-dah! Handed to me on a silver platter. So, it's a charity event at the Minskoff Theatre between 44th and 45th St (where Lion King is) beginning at 7pm and it's $30 for open bar, food, and entertainment! I encourage you come, I may be serving you drinks. No, I kid. Anyhow, here is their website (click here!) and of course since it's Broadway, the arts are most definitely involved. Spreading the love. It's a nice time away from finals and stress to mingle and enjoy Broadway things. I shouldn't be volunteering at this seeing as I have a lot of work to do, but I'm making time. Stress will come Tuesday. I feel it.

While I'm on the topic of avoiding work, this past weekend I took off from my paper for a bit to go greet some friends who, finally, are turning 21! Unfortunately, I will not fall in this category until I graduate, but oh well. What can I do? I got to see some old friends who came all the way from their school in other states to see this girl which I thought was really nice (I don't know if anyone would do that for me), then headed to my neighbor's birthday party, who seemed already quite intoxicated. Whoops! Anyway, I made good time, I was home by 1, or was it 2... No matter, I wrote like a fiend Saturday night. Sunday was brunch day. I didn't get to brunch on Saturday as I hoped, so Sunday was my time for Eggs Benedict (my favorite brunch food. Mud's french toast doesn't count, I can get it everyday). Unfortunately my high school friends who stayed the night somehow woke up at the crack of dawn for breakfast, so we headed to lunch. We went to a pretty decent Asian restaurant, I'm going to go back for Scallion Pancakes. It was delicious! And their...I don't know how to say it in English, but it's a soup pork bun..thing, was made fresh. Success! Although, Joe's Shanghai was still better. It was terrible weather today, I'm SO HAPPY it was above freezing point, I didn't want to deal with snow. I dislike snow. Yes, I'm in the Northeast, but I just think about my pops. He has to work in the outside weather. So global warming or not, no snow is better than snow.

I can't believe this week is the last week of school.. and finals next week? I'm FREAKING OUT. I don't know what to do about jobs or anything. In an Asian family if you don't get out of college with a well paying job, you are a failure. Or at least that's what my parents tell me. So, no pressure right? I've been researching places to stay in Paris as well as jobs and well I was going to apply but it's a bit early. I imagine the French classifieds, or any classifieds for that matter, are for immediate jobs. I need to make my French CV. Things to do over winter break!

So I've updated, it was a good enough break. So back to work! Ciao!

via irunwithwolves.tumblr.com

I really want this clock. It's pointless, but it's so damn cool.

One Week Later..

Read the first paragraph and skip the next 2.

Alors Bonjour! Mais vraiment, bonsoir!
So, it's been quite a while since my last post. I've been trying to get on board with the hectic-ness that is "end-of-the-semester" hell week. Mine unfortunately, has been extended to 3 hell weeks. Starting with the previous one. I've prepared myself for what to come in some way, but it's quite impossible for me to piece my thoughts together as a whole. This relates to my politics paper that will lead to my senior thesis. I'm researching the effects of advertising on women. So: Advertising drives women to consume by the use of unrealistic beauty in advertisements, reinforced by the attitudes of women and their competitiveness against other women. This is what I got after 4 and a half pages of crap and a long hour on peer reviews and teacher help. I think this is what I'm going to try to write about. Good bye 4 and a half pages and 10 hours of research. Start again.

I'm also filming a project for my film studies class. We're supposed to use what we learned and apply it to a film we're going to make. Easy enough, except I have no time to wander and take pictures. Vinny and I decided to make time in the worst of times, today. Today, or rather yesterday, Dec. 5 with the first snow of the season in New York City. It started as rain, turned to sleet, and finally became snow. Vinny, his boy (who willingly came), and I walked from his work on 76th and 2nd and hunted down scenes for our film. We finished quite late and was caught in the in-between period of sleet and snow. Fail. Everyone's shoes was soaked, the boys didn't have an umbrella, and well, it was just damn cold. Rockefeller of course was crowded, but we had to go by that. Just lots of stuff. So we ended at Times Square 42nd and Broadway. Quite a trek actually. Took a few hours to film and take pictures and we're not even done. That's due this Thursday alongside shot list, an abstract, and a reflection. Fun. When does paper fall in here?

Stats is due Tuesday. About 15 problems. Fail.

Above was all about homework. I just needed a reminder that I have a lot of crap to do, and shouldn't be blogging. But blogging for me comes to me a lot easier than writing a paper does. Anyways, it's also a reminder that there is no time to enjoy what I've had the pleasure of enjoying. I got to watch a film with Mitchell, Fantastic Mr. Fox directed by Wes Anderson, which was "cussing" good. Ah, brilliant. I loved it. Apparently there's a children's book of it. I've never seen or read it in my youth. Now hunting. Went to Frank on 5th and 2nd with Kat which was bleh. Not really a word to describe it. Overpriced and terrible service. Our waitress acted like an asshole and on crack. Whatever. Don't have anything nice to say about it. Don't go there. Anyway the lovely Kat is in Colorado right now, skiing. I want her life.

Finished my internship this week. Unfortunately I missed my last day due to my paper writing. But oh well. Need to search for a new one.. Ooh. Not feeling too good anymore.

Went to see a high school friend at her birthday party at Katra. I didn't plan on staying long. I wanted to write my paper. I ended up staying with some other friends until 3. Drank quite a bit but in no ways drunk. At times I wish I could have a lower tolerance so I don't drink my wallet. You know what I mean? Given I only got to buy 2 drinks for myself. People are generous.

Tomorrow is quite an exciting day. I'm going to Blue Water Grill for brunch with a friend from my freshman dorm hall! She invited and well, Stern is paying, and I am there! That could possibly be reviewed tomorrow in my time of procrastination.

So things to do before the semester ends:

• Politics/Persuasion Paper
• Film Project, Abstract, Reflection, Shot list
• Stats Homework Weeks 10, 12, 13
  
• Film Final
• Genetics Final
• Stats Final

Fin. I finish, with the rest of NYU on 12/22. That sucks. Not much time before Christmas. Oh well. This also means 4 months left of school... I don't know who will be attending my graduation. Or where it will be. Yankee Stadium? Madison Square? HMMMM. =)

Oh, also something interesting for the holidays. Save some money this year okay? It's an article in the Wall Street Journal - Try Christmas Saving, Not Christmas Shopping

Early Bird.

It's quite early. I've been awake wince 3:30AM. Well, 1:30AM but have been laying in bed, thinking. I think more than I actually do work. If my paper consisted of a thinking portion, I'd beast it. So, it's 5:30AM. I've played brickbreaker and pulled out my Stats homework. Unfortunately, nothing's come of that yet. Just thought I'd write a quick post of the rest of my weekend and what's to come.

On Saturday, my friend planned this reunion so I attended. Unwillingly at first, but I figured why not. Learned a few thing I didn't want to know, things I didn't want to hear, but in the end I didn't have to put on a face. The people I didn't want to interact with, I didn't have to and the people who talked to me held great conversation. I didn't realize how reflective and curious some people were. In high school, everything's about who your friends are, not how they are. I had, well still have some pretty smart friends. I've gotten more into my paper and wanted to tell everyone about it since it hits close to home. I got some interest in it and one thing led to another and it was a full fledged discussion on women. I can't post about it, it'd be too damn long. Needless to say, it was a good time.

The following day, I guess Sunday, yesterday, I headed back to New York. My father told me more about his hardships throughout his life and I always think if I left my family, I could probably work as hard as my father and survive. Sometimes I think it's worth it. That's what I thought about this morning..night. Who knows.

This week ends my internship. Finally! I need to concentrate on school. My paper is due in two weeks and my research isn't even half done. My friends want a reunion and I have so much homework to do/videos to make/internships to apply to/jobs to apply to/finals to study for. I'm sure everyone is the same. However, my attitude may be much worse in the next weeks to come, so heed this warning. Also, I apologize now for any unnecessary anger in the next few weeks, but I'm sure there will be times of necessary venting and frustration.

On another note, I dreamed of Paris again. It was an amazing dream, but I can barely remember it now. Only that it was glorious. It's sad how quickly dreams fade.

Is it really necessary?

So, Thanksgiving weekend! Things to be thankful for, aka everything I have. Things not to be thankful for... ha, easy.

I like how my weekend of almost relaxation turned into this war. She's resorted to name calling. I still think she's immature. I can't even look at her without gagging anymore, she looks ridiculous. My mother's so proud of her. Wow. Go them! You've almost reached your goal. Just find a rich man and have him pay for all of your expenses. Better yet, find an old rich man, you'll feel better after he dies and you have all the money.

God. But I did have a good thanksgiving talking to Austin. I ignored said problem. His parents are in China so I invited him over. I had so much turkey. It was slathered in gravy and it was amazing. Had some roasted potatoes and mashed potatoes and the asian version of Paella amongst many many many other dishes. Needless to say, I was full to the point of explosion. It was glorious. I played Star Wars but didn't get too far, motion sickness. We decided to go Black Friday shopping. Oh yay. It's all a scam but whatever I didn't want to stay at home with those two. So, we went to Austin's in Edison, first played Modern Warfare which I am OBSESSING over. I never found such a fun game. Then we didn't know what to do so we watched Glee. Bon. We headed to pick up a few friends and then off to Target. We got there at 2:30AM it opened at 4AM. Austin got his TV! It's HUGE. I bought a coffee maker. For 3 dollars. Hell yeah! I needed one. Anyway we didn't sleep at all that night. We went to Best Buy and the mall after. I didn't buy anything. Ran into an old friend from high school who moved to Hong Kong and now goes to UVA but is here this weekend for his friend's wedding. Quite an ordeal. People are marrying already?! Shit. I would never. But, I wish them all the happiness in the world.

Got home around 10AM. Didn't sleep for a long time already. Passed out. Woke up at 3 or 4 and now it's 1AM and I can't sleep. I was looking over my materials for my paper. No success. I don't think I can put everything I want into it. Oh well.

Looking to the Future.

So, lately I've been moping. Only because I know that I want to be in Paris working a full-time job , living in my Parisian apartment and chillin with Parisian buddies. Yes, Paris is always on my mind. It's gotten to a point where I am going on fusac (us/french classifieds kind of thing), nyhabitat, and parisattitude almost daily when I'm not researching or studying. It's Friday night and I did absolutely nothing. NCIS and Glee and 30 Rock. That was my night. I needed a night off. Okay. Digression. So, I've found multiple apartments but no job. I went to the Career Fair at Wasserman Center. I found a company who will sponsor my Visa for up to 18 months when I work there. Hopefully, after I get there, I can get a residency card and a permanent working Visa. =) After I get a job. They only sponsor my Visa. First step accomplished.

You know the feeling of wanting something really bad? Like winning the Mega Millions lotto? Yes. I dream about it. But, I've never bought a lottery ticket. Sad. I will when I turn 21. Maybe It'll be my lucky day. Anyway, Paris is something I want. I know my parents don't want me to ever leave the tri-state area as do many parents and their offspring. But I want to bust out and leave and live in Europe. Preferably for the rest of my life. I don't know, New York. You're slacking. I want a different city now. I've only begun my job search and it's already stressing me out. I need to do a hell of a lot of stuff before NYU's career center will even help me find a job. That's a month. Bye internship.

I don't know why I began this post. Probably to reminisce about Paris and how my life will be there. It's a dream right now. But I'm going to get it. I know I will. I'm working my ass off. Hopefully it pays off for something in the future. But as of right now, I have exactly...well give or take a few days 5 months left of my college career (not including winter break). Crazy right? Who would've thought? It's not like college was that enriching or anything. I think Study Abroad at AUP made me a more grounded person. Yea, not you, NYU.

Lots of work to do this weekend. It's my good friend Olivia's birthday this weekend. I don't believe I'll be able to see her because of this crap. It makes me sad. Oh well. It's not like I've missed out on fun before. You have to prioritize right? Merde. That sucks.

Win.

via failblog.org

If I were the manager for this convenience/grocery store, I'd feel really good right now. She/he made my night.

Dream.

via fuckyeahprettyplaces.tumblr

Um, what if this were real? I would want to live there eventually/visit it right away. Oh yeah, it's photomanipulation. By this girl.

Desert.

Sahara by George Steinmetz

Look how gorgeousssss. [Yes it deserves 5 s's.] George Steinmetz flies around the Sahara desert on a little paraglider while taking some of the most beautiful desert photos in the world. Amazing.

From the National Geographic story:

“In the heart of the Sahara, water from rains that fell millennia ago pools in the Waw an Namus volcanic crater. Winds carried black ash from the last eruption 12 miles out across the desert.”

Fezzan, Libya

via pegobry.tumblr.com

Uninterested.

I reread my last post and thought, how childish. I just seem to be ranting about something that doesn't even matter. Well, school and classes do matter, but the latter, meant absolutely nothing. I sounded like a 5 year old who didn't get what she wanted. What a failure in a post.

So being that this is a night off from reading and work (because I'm postponing it until tomorrow) I thought I could write something a little more interesting and less puerile.

Let's talk about love and relationships because it seems to me that people think I really want one or am supposed to have one. If you think about love, the first thing that comes to mind is, man and wife, no? Man and woman, man and man, woman and woman.

Family isn't the first thing you would think of, unless you're 8 years or younger. Neither is anything else you may generally 'love.' It's become a word so useless that we can't even define what it is. So, people implicate that love is something to want, something I should want. First of all, since when is it other people's business if I want love or not? Second of all, let's clarify that I do not want a relationship because of personal reasons. No, I am not a lesbian.

It's possible to love other things, right? I absolutely love my dog. That's love. Affection. Generic. I also love being alone, I love eating good food, I love laughing until I cry. That's love. But how would you describe it? You tell me. Because apparently, relationships and marriage are the only part of love to some shallow small townspeople of the world. Now I'm confused. Can we say love is even important anymore? I personally don't think so. Love [alright, insert seems instead of is] is nothing but a cultivation of what Hollywood and fictions novels have created. People who search for love, who live in the psyche of Hollywood films, are doomed for the rest of their lives. Love isn't the only thing that one looks forward to in life. If you think about it, love comes in many ways - not just relationships and marriage. I think it's nothing more than a societal acceptance that says you are one of them, we accept you as 'normal.' You fell and love and got married. People who get divorced are even worse. They gave in to this theory of 'true love' and 'finding love' but in the end, they didn't love at all.

I've been told I haven't fallen in love. Yes, I haven't. But has anyone? Puppy love and short term high school relationships don't count. I know of one couple from high school who have been together for about 8 years now. I applaud them. But I wonder if they still love each other, maybe they've just gotten comfortable. Secondly, they say I don't know anything about it because I haven't fallen in love. Wrong. I've had feelings yes and I know how it feels to be hurt or never want to upset another person - but no, I've never been in love. It's a word I threw around shamelessly because I didn't know what it was. But, I realized when what we both did didn't coincide and the relationship we had was nothing but a label that gave us some sort of status with each other. Oh, and sexual tension is nothing but Freudian primary instincts of mating and sex. Everyone has these hormones and it's okay. It happens to be natural, but that's a whole other post about the ways of control.

Don't get me wrong, if I ever find a connection with someone and we ever have the idea of getting married, I would. In some sense, I would like to be a part of the married world. Although, I do believe it won't last long. It'll just be something I've done. I know a relationship built on love will come in the long run but me being so young, I don't want to go searching for it. I have my whole life ahead of me and I love living and adventure more than I care to search and be in love. In youth, we shouldn't spend time wasting it on other people who, in the end, will probably leave. I'm not saying don't have a relationship. Go, have one. Just don't focus all your energy on that relationship. Keep it simple, keep it to be something that you'll enjoy at the moment and laugh about in the future.

I've been spinning. This idea of love still ever so confusing and stupid. It makes people depressed, crazy, obsessed, it freaks me out and makes me angry. If I get any discussions over lunch or dinner about love being all about 'finding your other,' I swear I will fight you to the death to prove that you are wrong.

Frustration.

So this post is half good/half bad. Let's start with bad and end on a happier note. So yesterday was registration. I must have jinxed myself in my last post because I got 1 of the 6 classes I wanted to take next semester. It would've been nice to know that I couldn't register for Marketing classes in Stern until next Monday and Tisch's Cinema Studies classes had to have a special code to register. Great. I registered and lo and behold. My first, second, and third choice of Senior Media Seminar was all full - all that was left was African Diaspora and Legacy of Neil Postman. Have you ever read Neil Postman before? I find him dense, bland, and boring. Hell no. Why would they ever make a media seminar after him? Oh wait, he writes articles about media and was a professor at NYU - what, is that enough NYU? Think some more. PR went smoothly, and that was it. I ended up registering for African Diaspora, PR, Advertising (not my field), and Voice lessons for my unrestricted 2 credits. The last 4 credits I believe will end up going to my internship if my terrible luck thinks it's time to take a break. I don't know how things are going to work out. I still want to take Beauty, Body, and Image as my Media Seminar, I'm already researching about it for my politics class.

Anyway, after my tantrum about not ever getting any classes I want at NYU, which is all too completely true, I called Hools and vented for about an hour. I went home to relax and do stats but was too frustrated and tried to sleep. Again, too frustrated so I watched Family Guy and the Cleveland show. They made me laugh. It was good. I went to sleep. Next morning, my film class was canceled (yay)! So I did my Stats hw and got all angry at it. I need extra help. Badly. Maria Garibotti, keep your Thursday open. So I finished, went to Wasserman center for the first time in a long time for the On-Campus Recruitment orientation. Man, Sternies are hardcore. They all came dressed in suits. It was a brief overview of how to sign up to get interviews and stuff. Whatever, done. Ran to Stats. Hesitated to hand in the hw and double checked everything in class. Handed it in at the end. Done. I felt so relieved. There was Bank of America presentation at Wasserman at 5pm though. I originally signed up for it, but I forgot about Stats, so I canceled last minute. I hope they don't ban me. It'd be kinda cool to work for corporate BofA, no?

So, I wanted to get out all this frustration so I went to the gym. NYU should invest in punching bags. No, really. It'd be nice. I had to do the elliptical instead because all the dumb treadmills were taken. I just punched out everything I had. Lifted weights, more than I usually did and I felt a little better. It would've been nicer to have a smoke but, guess what. I quit. So no more smoking and healthier living. I've eaten salad for dinner for almost a week now. I love cobb salad. Love it. Any recommendations for a good place for cobb?

I thought it would be a happy ending, instead it was boring. This was more fun when I was angry.

I do recognize.

I know that my life isn't terrible and what not, but when I want to vent, I write my life is terrible. Think about it, when something's going wrong in your life, it happens to be, that at that moment, everything sucks for you too. So the end. Nothing is past that. I have Kat telling me that I live a very charmed life and my life doesn't suck. Truth. Thank you Kat. It's nice hearing it from other people because when you're frustrated, you tend to stray from actuality.

I had a very nice conversation/brunch with Olivia today at Flea Market Cafe. We had our lovely $14 (including tax and tip) eggs benedict with a coffee and oj. Pretty sweet deal in NY. Anyways, we took turns talking about our schools lives but we really talked a lot about friends and friend situations - how good friends don't make you feel bad, how they're there to tell you how they feel about your situations and try to help you solve them, help you realize that your life really isn't in the shitter. That girl is just like me in some ways and I love that we both understand each other. We both have our rocks to hold onto, too. =)

School is really stressing me out right now. I only have this week and next week to relax before my finals/final papers/final presentations/final videos begin. I need to stop my internship and focus for the last 3 weeks. I know I can do well. I'm also very excited to register tomorrow.. I'm a dork? Yes. I don't know why, but I get this happy feeling after getting all the classes I want. My schedule, if I get it all leads to classes on Monday and Tuesday. The end. Yay! I can focus on getting a paid internship/part-time job that will hire me after I graduate. I hope things start coming together. I've had such an ordeal with the family lately and it keeps bringing me down, attitude and everything and I just want to drop that, not even pay attention to any of it and get to graduating. If all works out, I'll be in Paris in 10 years time. Cross my fingers?

Please Exit.

Dear people who read,

If you find my blog disgusting, hurtful, and shameful, I respectfully ask you to not continue to read and leave this site immediately so you will not be offended/won't have to complain later to someone else. It's your choice to read not mine. Remember that.

Regards,
Psycho Crazybitch.

Change of Pace.

So, apparently I rage a lot. And this is completely true. I guess I always see the bad things in life much more clearer than I see anything good. It's probably because of the way I grew up or the way I was raised. I don't know. Middle child syndrome, people call it. Call it what you want, it's the way I am.

But, I do feel from now on, I will rage less and focus on the better things that have happened and when nothing good happens, I will write about it, but write a disclaimer. Hopefully these posts of rage will become lesser and lesser after 6 months when I graduate. =)

So, starting with this post, I am going to express the good side that I do actually possess, I swear if people read this and didn't know who I am, they'd think I was a suicidal maniac. Alors, today began with sleeping in. It was a very lovely sleep because I never get the chance to sleep in during the week and I only had 3 hours of sleep Wednesday night. So, I slept and slept. Woke up at 9 anyway because my body's used to it. But I went to bed at midnight the night before. Holla.
So I woke up and laid in bed. Isn't it wonderful? You do nothing and it's just great. I reflected. Not very good thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless. After, Kat called and she, Ms Daisy and I headed to Prune. This is going to turn into another review as this food also calls for some kind of praise. (Only with Kat do these things happen. Again catch her blog. She cooks like a fiend and eats the best food in the world. She's a world traveler. No doubt. Anyway, moving on. Prune.

We went just as they opened. Perfect. 1130. No one. Sit down. I was obsessed with the tableware. I love glasses and mugs and weird home goods. It just felt like a French cafe with the antiqued walls and french windows and doors. It also had that wicker on the chairs. Love it. The menus were cute, there weren't many choices but what they had was what Daisy called "cryptic." I agree. Their food choices seemed simple enough but when you read it, "Kerchief pasta with French ham and egg." Cool. How is that made? Pasta cooked with jambón and eggs? Nope. It's a poached egg topped with French ham [kind of like prosciutto but much more difficult to chew] topped off with one thin sheet of pasta [like lasagna but thinner]. The waitress said it was small too. Fail. There was a burger on the menu that Daisy and I craved but she ordered it and we all agreed to share portions. The burger came on an english muffin it says. Wow. To die for. She got it medium-well, but I prefer medium-rare so it was kinda dry after cutting it. But it doesn't even matter. The flavors were amazing, well seasoned and drenched in this green sauce that I don't even know. It also came with french fries, which it didn't list and the fries were amazing. Perfect and crisp. Kat ordered the Grilled Tuna sandwich. The best of our three dishes. Just perfect. The tuna was medium rare and the flavors and the sauce went just so well together. We also dipped it in my sauce which was from the special of the day the eggs sardou. It's a different take of eggs benedict. It's poached eggs on artichoke buttons served with eggplant spears. Quite a small portion, but the hollandaise is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The mix of the hollandaise and the egg yolk because Kat and mine's dipping sauce for our tuna sandwich which was also amazing. She also dipped her sandwich in a side of tabasco glaze - it came as a side with my eggplant spears, I believe. It was tabasco sauce with powdered sugar, you mix it yourself and it becomes this sweet glaze that also goes along with the eggs and artichoke. Just an amazing meal. Didn't quite understand the small menu, but the food that resulted in this cryptic menu was above par.

We plan on returning tomorrow for brunch and regular eggs benedict =)

So after we went to Chikalicious because we craved chocolate. Molten chocolate lava cakes ya'll. Bangin. After Kat and I went to campus and Daisy went to babysit her 'brat' aka 'child of a woman who doesn't look after her own kids'. I ran some errands and Kat overall missed her class. We made her feel better by shopping. Didn't find much. Went into Uniqlo and purchased fleeces for my pops and a nice hoodie for me. Three jackets for 50 bucks. Holla. Headed to Topshop because I've never really been there before. There are so many levels. I should have went downstairs to topman because I know I would've bought something. I have a fetish for mens clothes. They're comfortable and fit well. The end. Don't argue with me.

I went home after and watched the last episode of 30 Rock - "The Problem Solvers." The first episode that made me laugh out loud really hard in a long time. I suggest you watch it. Unless you haven't seen 30 Rock before. You won't get it. In that case, watch all of Season 1, 2, and 3 then 4. Cool. Met up with Kat and Christine after. Brought Christine to a bar and Kat and I finally headed off to watch NY, I Love You. Can I just say, I'm disappointed. I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone, but it was definitely not good. Sorry people, fail fail fail. Paris, Je T'aime's structure is what NY, I Love You should be based on. But, no. They thought because they're so good at moviemaking in Hollywood they can do whatever the hell they want. So they botch the movie. Dislike dislike dislike.

Anyways, saw Soo Young after at Kats. We chilled a bit and now I'm home. Capturing the good times of today. =)

Fin.

College life.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to do well.

The effort I put in doesn't result in any kind of reward. I just feel put down. I walk into something feeling good about it, but then do terribly. I walk into something feeling terrible about it, and still do terribly. I'll never win.

Debbie Downer today, ya'll. My life is not where I want it to be. I wish I could write like a fiend so I'd never have to worry. I wish I could just bullshit my way into a good grade. Too bad I'm not one of those people who get luckier the harder they try. All lies. Where the motivation then? So much work and no reward. Is that it?

I need to graduate so I can put maybe even a bit of my skill to work. I know I'm not an academic kind of person, but I'd like to try and I'd like to be that person. Some girl in my class doesn't do the reading, maybe one or two pages, but can formulate some ridiculous 10 minute response in her head at that moment. My teacher loves her. I read every single page, can't even talk for one minute because I don't know what to ask. The read was good, the read was bad. I didn't understand this, I didn't understand that. This was interesting, this wasn't etc. What do I do? Only some readings really provoke me to respond and when I do, my teacher speaks for most of the class. Great. Never win.

Politics, Stats, and Film are all becoming one big blur of (excuse my language) Fuck You. It's not pleasant and I'm angry already. 9:41AM. Record time. I woke up at 9:00AM. Stupid email.

Joyous Rapture.

I lied. Not exactly joyous rapture and nothing close to it. This is a blog where I aspire to joyous rapture and set goals for myself to have it.

I haven't posted in quite some time well I lied again. Almost a week. It's been quite fun filled with tests, stress, and sickness. Last week during the Ryan Leslie event I got to hang out with the PR and Press-ies of the entertainment world. It seems joyous and attending events such as album presentations, very cool. Some people showed up aka little Cheetah girl, Tyson Beckford, and the best of the now, Kid Cudi. It was fun getting to see them because I didn't know what they looked like in person. I suck at identifying people. Me: "What's your name? Are you on the list?" Them: Um... Boss: "Let them in, Jess." Oh. Oops. I would be good at being a bouncer.

I did what I say terrible on my midterm in film. WTF. I studied like mad and I got a less than average grade. This kills me. Why don't I know how to study? Show me how to do something and I'll remember it forever, but tell me something, I'll forget in ten minutes. It's ridiculous. I hate how my brain works sometimes. Academia is truly not for me. Stats is raping me, film which shouldn't be difficult now requires extra time and effort on projects and final, politics I haven't even researched a topic on my final 20 page paper. Fack. My life is in shambles. It's only Tuesday. I'm stressing.

I shouldn't be writing because I have stats hw to do so I am merely procrastinating. As always. So, I'll talk about the weekend events. Friday was our, finally, Paris reunion. It wasn't as fun-filled as it could possibly be because of certain dramatic events that shouldn't have even occurred but whatever. They happened. Now I have to apologize again because people don't know how I am. Again. I hate having to apologize when I know I haven't done anything wrong. The only way to make things right is if I always apologize. I hate the word "sorry". No one ever seems to truly mean it. I wish I could believe it as easily as other people because it's thrown around so much now. Like, fuck, and cunt. Although if you use it loudly enough it probably means something. Yeah. Nothing is bad or nice anymore. Everything is just the norm.

I went for a walk from 4th st NYU up to 60th and Columbus Circle. It was quite the trek. I did it in 45 minutes. I'm proud of myself. It was a nice walk to stop being drunk from the night before and once again realize that uptown Manhattan is crowded with tourists on the weekend. Lovely.

Nothing in my life is ever interesting anymore. I'm on such a scheduled routine I can't even have time for myself to read or watch a movie. Life sucks right now. Hopefully this hard work pays off in the future or I'll end up shooting myself.

Happier note: French toast again for breakfast/lunch...brunch with Kat. She went to Peter Luger's. I'm jealous. I crave steak.

Another note: Florence tickets are 330 round trip. Where my money. Oh wait, I need a job. Damn it. I do need a job and an internship for next semester and a job in May. Oh lord. It's too fast. I can't breathe or sleep anymore. That means death right? Damn.

November Presents

This month is showering me with gifts of midterms and papers. I adore these things. Lie.

However, I am feeling much better not having to deal with that bug situation anymore. My roommate is great and her pets are great. I'm doing fairly well in school, or so I lead myself to believe, and am a working machine. I run on 2-3 hours a sleep a day and I am exhausted. Winter break looks like a nice month long hibernation for me. Bring on the turkey!

I've been thinking about my future and what I want. NYU clearly doesn't care for those who graduate early because simply, they don't keep track therefore, I am not updated on the on goings of the upcoming graduates of this year. I wasn't informed through NYU about a resume book. I am getting absolutely no job offers unlike my friends who are supposed to be graduating because they're in the resume books. Fail. I have to search out companies and intern for them, then beg for them to take me. Desperation ensues. I met with Universal music company during the FIT expo, which I worked at for The Chamber Group and met a few potential employment opportunities. Most of them were in fashion PR as it was, the Fashion Institute of Technology. I found Universal's booth seated right behind us and I chatted to either Melissa or Melanie (I wish I remembered her name) she recommended that I give her my resume because she thinks I'll do well, plus they have an ongoing business relationship with The Chamber Group. I also found out that even though I call in sick/have meetings/lawyer problems/landlord problems and sometimes miss work, I'm still a top intern. I'm good at what I do. Chyeah. So, I continue talking to her and she asks me about Ryan Leslie's event tomorrow. She represents Ryan Leslie. I planned the event. I get to talk to her tomorrow and give her my resume. I also get to meet Ryan Leslie and tons of music business contacts. It's going to be all business tomorrow. No doubt about it.

My life seems to be on the ups but it's only because I'm working so friggin hard. I don't envy those who don't work this hard to get what they want because then all they know is life is easy. Life isn't easy. You learn. Unfortunately, some people will have to learn later. I am related to one of these people. One is doing significantly better from previous years and the other one is heading down the drain. Unfortunately she, yes, that one, thinks 'whoring herself out'-for the lack of a better term although somewhat relative, will get her somewhere in life. Glass ceiling, bitch. Can't go that far. I wish she would spend more time on academics than she does on her personal image and life. She feels like a disappointment to our family. I see it in my dad. He never gets angry at anyone continuously. I only hear about his disappointment in her. He can't take it anymore. Neither can I. This year will reveal what happens to her future. Poor pops. I don't even know anymore. My life needs to start so he can stop working. She needs to stop living like there's no tomorrow, because there always will be a tomorrow whether you wake up alive or dead.

So, you know that quote "Live each day as if it your last." I'm sure you do. It's bullshit. Of course everyone wants to live each day to the fullest, enjoy life. Free spirits. That'd be nice if our world wasn't so full of responsibility. I grew up in a household that believed education led to a better life, a better life would lead to a better self, and that better self would then be the result of fully living. Feeling whole is living each day. How do you wake up and throw the entire day away being selfish about what you want to do for yourself while not thinking about the consequences for the others around. Life is good. Cherish it. Yes, but it's much better when you enjoy it with the people around you. I find that dumb quote so goddamn selfish. Selfishness isn't a bad thing. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. Note, sometimes. Not all the damn time. Do what's best for you yes, but don't go around thinking you're above everyone else. That's not and will never be true. No one is better than anyone else. Recognize.

So I started happy and ended bitter. Oh well. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. I just see the same thing happening again and again and I watch people grow more immature versus becoming more mature. What is going on with the world? I don't approve.

Oh, one more thing. People need 'me' time. When that time comes, go to a cafe, get some food, bring a book, get a coffee, sit for 2 hours. That's some awesome me time. I highly recommend it, especially at Mud Coffee. Had french toast today. Refer to Kat's blog for a picture. Kat is my food guru. If anyone is ever looking for a hotspot to eat/drink/vacation. She is your go to person. No doubt.

To end, I would like to say that today I will get 7 hours of sleep. I am so freakin' delighted. Good night. Peace and cheese.

What comes with success.

So this weekend was of course, Halloween weekend. I didn't have a costume so..well.. actually I just didn't have a costume at all. That doesn't mean I didn't get in the spirit. Because I was lazy to think of something creative, I bought some face makeup and a black cloak. I wore all black and painted half a skull on my face. Don't think it was some easy shit. Took me an hour on both Friday and Saturday. Yeah, man. I was hardxcore. (I never understood why people put x's in hardcore, from what I hear it makes it more hardcore. But..yeah. I don't know.)

Sidenote: So, I've been a part of halloween for a good 20 years now. Every year, it seems to get sluttier, but the sluttiest ethnic group of people if there ever was an award, goes to the female Asian population-- especially in small towns/those who come from suburbs and small towns. Halloween pictures are posted on facebook up the wazoo the day after, and I find that most of the Asian females tend to wear nothing/almost near nothing. I always say I don't approve because evidence shows okay, lotsa hoes everywhere. It's not okay to prance around in a bra and panties in 60 degree weather on the streets of urbania/suburbia thinking you're hot shit. Halloween is absolutely no excuse to be slutty. If you're slutty on Halloween, you're slutty in general.
So sorry white girls, I lied. Only some of you are Halloween sluts. Asians reign supreme when it comes to sluttiest Halloween costumes. Then it comes the Hispanics then Black folks. (If anyone is offended from black folks, suck it up. I don't care.) For those who have some sense of modesty/creativity to not have to show every inch of your skin on Halloween night, I applaud you.

Storytime:
The weekend started off great. Friday, some friends and I headed up to Stuy-town (which is a complex between First Ave. and Ave. D and 14th-18th street. Really nice apartments. We got lost a bit but finally found it. Such a lovely place, they really went all out. Lots of alcohol and drunks. We all got a bit tipsy but ended up leaving to go hookah/chicha on 4th st. Lots of fun talks and smoking the chich. Yeah, good time. Got home and took an hour and a half shower because well..my hair was teased up and therefore equaled death and my face was oily from paint. I love showers.

Saturday was crazy. Well, yesterday I suppose. I woke up late because I got home late the previous night. Went to Susie's we walked around and went to get some free Chipotle then dressed up to go out. We headed to the BK to her friend's place, Jen, who is AMAZING and her place is AMAZING. Oh wow. I'm moving to Brooklyn. Anyway headed back to Manhattan after the party. Finally found Sophie's. Her roof is also amazing. Didn't get a chance to see her apartment. Some old people called the cops on her soo... byebye party. Wow people, it's Halloween, get over it. So we headed down to Andrei's place. OH MY EFF. The locations just kept getting better as the night went on. His place is HUGE, beautiful, classy. Oh my... if I had 1.5mil laying around that'd be my place, too. Nonstop liquor, party hardy. Drunkards. I approve. Ended the night then headed home. Fidi was empty but after cabbing to Ben&Susie's then walking home on 3rd ave ... it probably took longer than the train would go one stop (Meaning Astor to 14th). Wow. Absolutely ridiculous.

So today was the hungover, let's get brunch day. Headed to Clinton St around 2. Got there around 2:15. The hostess says, I can't seat you because when I do, the kitchen will probably close. Um... excuse me? You close at 5. There isn't a 3 hour wait because there's only 4 couples outside. Say that again. She says: You can get takeout but I can't seat you. WHO DOES THAT? NO ONE in their RIGHT MIND rejects to seat you or fail even put your name on the list. I'm writing an angry letter to Clinton Street and that bitch needs to get fired. So we left angry and still hungry. Headed to Permanent Brunch on 1st Ave between 5th and 6th which we thought would be good because of its name, duh, Permanent Brunch. Got seated right away. Okay. Good. Ordered. Okay. Good. Wait, why does it take 45 minutes to fry 2 eggs, put already made potatoes on a place and a salad. Um, completely messed up Ben's order, Susie's plate was 19 dollars for mediocre shrimp grits. Um, overpriced, slow service and terrible food. My eggs were flat, not fluffy or well scrambled at all, the potatoes were equivalent to a quarter of a potato, unsalted and my greens consisted of about 8 leaves of lettuce. Um, 12 bucks. Ben's order of pancakes soggy, flat, 12 bucks. Susie's small plate of shrimp grits, 19 bucks. Excuse me Permanent Brunch. If you're going to give us overpriced bad food, give us a lot of overpriced bad food. Ben told me the OJ he ordered didn't taste fresh, tasted concentrated, 3 bucks. Their mix up led to a 'goodwill' 3 bucks canceling his 3 dollar orange juice. Overall, that place is a mess, small seating, bad food, bad service. Only good this is their decor which is warm and classic New York with a diner-like feel. This turned into a restaurant critique. Whatever. I don't ever recommend it. I HIGHLY don't recommend it.

Now I'm back in the apartment. Chillin with the cat, doing my work. I'm still frustrated. I can't believe food service can be that terrible. I need coffee. Mud, here I come.

Day..2

In the new apartment. My room is a bit cozy, but what can you expect from New York. I'm just glad I can fit a full size bed in here. The cat is making my nose stuffy..starting today only but a few zyrtec made that go away FAST.

Anyways just an update. The past few days have been hectic and my luck still hasn't gone up from where it is. Sunday, I moved in. Success. Started studying for Stats midterm. Fail. I didn't understand most of the concepts so I read the book. Didn't help much. Monday I reviewed all the problems and questions I didn't understand. Okay. Fail again. Tuesday. Midterm. Fail. I don't think I'm going to do well on this one. I just have to study harder/learn earlier these damn concepts and not have to skip class to move shit around and visit lawyers and whatnot. Nahmean? So after, I was feeling pretty upset/angry/pissed off/every emotion that goes with bad mood. Ben told me he did pretty well and I told him to stop talking about it. Another kid that sat next to me, Max wouldn't shut up and I wanted to shoot him. When I say please don't talk about it, don't. I said, please. Find another way to piss me off. Really. I was nice too. I asked 3 times. Asshole. Ben decided drinks and dinner would be a good way to cool off. Success. Alcohol makes all problems disappear. I drank myself to my death. However, still not good because I still have yet to read a book and write a review on it due Thursday. How lovely. I had to skip Tuesday's, well today's class to study for my Stats, but from what I remember from last week, the paper is due before class on Thursday. Okay. Great. Fail.

I am blogging rather than reading. I don't want to read about the telegraph. Doesn't sound interesting. Writing about how shitty my life is right now..better.

On the calendar for the next 3 weeks. Thursday - book review. Following Monday, genetics study paper, Tuesday, film midterm. Thursday - nothing. Following Monday Genetics Presentation, Following Thursday Genetics midterm II, Film presentation. Merde. WTF. KILL THIS SHIT. I'm so happy I'm taking genetics pass/fail. Who deals with genetics in film/media? Complete bullshit. I'm going to study something that has something to do with my major thanks. Anyways it's a MAP course, who are they to think it's so goddamn important.

I won't have time for myself for a while. Just stress upon stress. I feel it in my joints, my arthritis kills, my back is dying. Yay, I'm officially an old lady. On top of that, Halloween is this weekend. Great. Bunch of sluts walking around in stripper boots. Everywhere. That's just lovely. I just want to hide during Halloween. These bitches would die if I had a machine gun. I still don't approve of this provocative dress. Call me old fashioned but I thought Halloween was to scare the shit out of you. Just saying.

Btw, French toast this morning at Mud made my day. At least until Stats. (Insert f-word multiple times over.)

I smile.

These past 5 days in the katcourtjordanross apartment has been the best 5 days of my life. Unfortunately, I have to listen to Paparazzi every 5 minutes, but it's fun listening to them play and sing. These people have actual jobs, have time to go out during weeknights and right now, all of them are in bed sleeping. How does this happen? I want this life. They all seem so happy even when they say they're stressed out. Being around these people has made me so undeniable giggly girl happy. I don't know what it is. Even Kat says I'm weird happy. I guess when you surround yourself with happy people, life is great.

On another topic, my old apartment. I have officially moved out. I found 7 bugs inside my vinyl covering of my new mattress. NEW, mind you. A bug in my coffee mug and probably countless others hiding within the boxes. I'm scared that my dad is bringing them to our home in New Jersey. We moved everything out Tuesday with the help of his worker. I signed a contract until May, well Sonia, my new landlord says, month by month basis, but probably til May. I have my own cute little bedroom, she has a huge kitchen, I'm bringing a toaster oven because hers is ancient, she's got a great living room and a cat and a dog. She seems pretty stressed out, so I don't want to bother her. Well, as much as I can. And the price I'm paying for this place is so so much less than what I paid living by myself. I needed roommates to begin with (coughbenandsusie). Oh well. We've gotten to that point of a new place. Our family lawyer says he'll handle it from here. I haven't heard from him. I'll probably call him tomorrow to find out what's going on. Hopefully he can get our security deposit back as well as October and September's rent. It's definitely called for. I still have bug bite marks from August. Yeah, it's that bad. I hope he knows what he's doing. My entire building is pissed off. Maybe this'll start a riot. Who knows. I hope so.

Although my living situation has been great, school has been going downhill. I HATE it now. I go to class and think, why the fuck am I sitting here looking at him when all of his lectures are online. Well, given it's only one class, but still. It's online and I can barely hear him in class so I should just watch it online. Right? Stats is so boring. My teacher is French and is always adorable but still, the subject is boring. Politics/Propaganda is a bit confusing now. I don't know how to understand him anymore. Film is the same over and over again. She's funny but the same stuff gets more boring every day. Yeah.

Anyway, I planned my schedule for next semester already. I think I don't have to take a class in the winter session (yay!) but we'll have to find a 1 credit class that will fit my schedule. Most things require an audition (ie. choir and orchestra). If USingers came back I'd totally do it again. I miss FrankieJ. He was the bomb diggity. He's on a sabbatical right now. Fart. Otherwise my schedule looks pretty good. I have enough days to hold a decent internship at a big company I can get credit for. I'm excited. I never got to apply to those things because I couldn't get credit. Yeah. I'm excited to work for credit. It's better than working for nothing. I've been working for nothing for about 2 years now. It sucks balls.

It's only 12:30. I'm going to bed. I've never been on such a good sleeping schedule. Thanks Kat and roommates, although poor Kat is studying for a Business Law exam at the moment. Girl is stressing. We had red velvet cake/cupcakes today though. It made up for it. I told her not to get another slice, but it looks like some food could cheer her up at the moment. I don't like seeing her stressed out. It worries me. Yeah, I'm a mama bird right now.

I am.

These past few weeks really have been a test of endurance. Even though I fail miserably in patience, I make up for it in determination. I still need to finish what I came to New York to do. Although my problems with this apartment has gotten past the breaking point, we have people who are willing to back us up and claim their rights as tenants of the building. I just hope it works in the end. I spent 4 hours talking to my 'community.' It was quite an ordeal. People have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on laundering their clothing. This problem is a maintenance situation and the landlord should handle it. AKA the people who work across the street. I dislike them very much. No. Hate is actually allowed in this situation. They deserve what's coming to them.

In my time of need, Katharine has taken me under her wing. I no longer breathe in fumes from pesticides and can get a decent night's sleep in a warm and habitable environment. Her roommates are all hilarious and are so welcoming. I can't thank them enough for their hospitality. I'm sad that I'll be leaving to actually find a place to live because well, they're great people to live with, and I can'y become the 5th roommate.

I have finally found a place and am securing it tomorrow. I finally will have a place to call home for the next 7 months. I'm quite excited.

A thought, Halloween is next next weekend? What am I going to be? WHO KNOWS. I don't know. I might dress up like someone and call it a day. Thing is, I was talking to a friend who was like "Let's dress slutty for Halloween?" Me: "Wtf, porque?" Her: "Because it's the only day of the year that we have a reason to." Me: "Why are you my friend?" We fought about this. I don't find it appropriate to dress 'sexy' or 'slutty' for Halloween. Last time I checked Halloween was something scary with ghosts and things like Jason and Michael and what not killing things. Okay, it's becoming some big ho holiday for the closeted and outed sluts of the world, meaning most of the girls in the US and all of the girls in New Jersey. I watched this segment on the news the other day about slutty dressing and how it's affecting younger girls. I watched a young girl, what, 12 years old, choose out a short/mini skirt with fishnet stockings and a top that showed her bare nonexistent midriff. WHAT is GOING ON? She was going to be a vampire. That look like a vampire to you, because that screams HO in my head. Poor girl is gonna end up pregnant in a ditch. People keep scolding young pregnant teens and young adults scoff of these young teens but they're the ones setting the example for them. I hate society. Let's go back to being cavemen. No such thing as being slutty, no such thing as society, just community and each other. I like that. I don't belong in this era/generation/lifetime.

I laugh.

Over the past few days, I've written some mean things. But, so what. Free expression right?

I've got some, well two, nasty emails. Haha. Of course it's regarding them first, but they try not to sound too selfish and branch out to the closest person.

Is this good enough for the both of you right now? I'm not mentioning your names but you know it's you. Is that better? People don't know who you are and now you can successfully hide behind this anonymous image I've given you. I promise I'll give you a different entity the next time I write. One of you will be a ugly old lab rat and the other, a completely white cow. Oh wait, I don't care. Thing is, it's probably dumb to write about them in the future. They clearly can't handle truth, or they can, but they refuse to see it from my point of view. Who knows.

It's also clear that people really refuse to identify with one another. No one knows who anyone really is. I have 2 people who know me for me. That's that. That's all I need-well, until another has proven that they are worthy. Haaah. Just playing. Since when does that happen? If I find another good friend, it'll happen for a reason.

Since it's around that time of year...abracadabra
Bedbugs BEGONE.
Fail.

It's 3:30. I'm irked. I'm itchy. 3 new bites and the lack of desire to sleep. Faustyna and I are going kickboxing this weekend. It is very much needed.

And I'm Back Where I Started.

New Jersey. Home of the oil refineries, random beautiful foliage, and white trash bitches, where the uber conservative, rude and ill-mannered racist assholes subside.

So that was my weekend albeit I only went out for a few hours Friday night and didn't leave my house Saturday. This is what I experience in a mere, give or take, 7-8 hours. Went home to sleep which I did not successfully do because there wasn't enough time in a day. Haah.

Went to see Austin at his crib near Rutgers. It's pretty nice. He lives with a roommate and his brobro comes to visit on occasion. If any of you Rutgers boys needs a place to stay, lemme know, I'll ask him for you. Anyways, he brought me to a Wawa. I didn't know what that was. I've heard of it and think I've passed one a while back but I've never went in. Anyway, digression. Um, yeah. So we went in. I had a coke slushie. Oh, how I miss thee. I forgot how good they tasted. The cashier was an asshole. I say one simple thing and here comes some fucking attitude. Great. He looked at us funny when we approached the register. Yes, we are of asian descent. Go fuck yourself.

Went to say hi at Kevin's crib. It's much nicer without 50 million people in it. I also realized boys still smell bad. Whew. Twas fun. I heard this story about this girl, who will remain unnamed. She wants to date this boy, we (meaning me and almost everyone we know) think she wants to be his wifey because he'll be a successful entrepreneur. He's a big dreamer. I envy him. Anyway, he sat down and talked to her and basically said, you're a big ho, I don't like hos. The end. I pretty much died then. Twas a great story.

So then I went home, slept til 1 the next day. Didn't leave my house all of Saturday, then slept til 11 on Sunday and came back to NY. People in Chinatown are such assholes. They just push and shove and push and shove and yell at you when they push YOU. Assholes. I hate them all. Chinese people suck.

Currently watching new Family Guy. So far so good. I need to sleep. It's only 9. I think I will and do HW tomorrow morning. Yeahhhh. WTF wait. Why doesn't NYU have Columbus day off? WEIRD. I hate it. I need to sleeep.

Time to...pray?

It's hard to get through life when nothing's going the way you want it to. But, why should it go the way you want it, just because YOU want it? Selfish bastards. Yeah, I'm one of those selfish bastards. Sometimes it'd be nice to have things go your way though. Once in a while. So I've put this apartment up for rent. The exterminator's coming Friday, but I still don't want to stay here. Too many bad memories already. I found a nice mother and daughter from Vancouver willing to live here, but they want to bring pets. I need to figure out how this works. I'll have to go in and talk to the greedy son of a bitch motherfuckers. Hopefully I can talk to Richard instead of Sol. Sol's an asshole. Dumb ***. Not, it's not ass, I would write this. This word is racial. I can't say it. I can. Oh.. whatever.

Anyway, I have an appointment with my adviser tomorrow about Pass/Failing a class. I HATE GENETICS. Why should I care about it? I shouldn't. So, pass failing that bitch. Need to write a paper. Given it's 2 pages, but it has to be define a phrase as an encyclopedia would. Shit. I suck at writing.

A meeting with a woman who's willing to house me for a mere 1000 a month. Shit. I'd be saving $1000 a month. I don't care if I can't bring anyone home. I'll just sleep there. Yeah mofucka. Then I can do work at Bobst. Baller. I can be a nerd like I always wanted. I'm kinda excited. She also has a dog and a cat...oh cat. I'll bring medicine. I hope she likes me. I hope someone take my apartment. I'm considering praying. I'm atheist. This is weird. Maybe I'll wish instead. I believe in fairies, I do! I do! Don't read this like I'm crazy, I'm sure you know what that's from.

Crossing my fingers. Oh dear lord.

Extreme Hate.

This apartment has been nothing but problems since I moved in. This is ballsack. I hate this. I hate Matel Realty. I hate Tex Larida. I hate this goddamned situation. I hate suffering. Why does this happen. Oh. My. God. Fucking assholes. I'm so angry. I'm trying to do work but all i can do is feel arthritis in my hands and my entire body burning up because of the bugbites. Just dandy. So fucking dandy.

Fear.

So, does anyone know how to get out a lease? It's been a month and a half since I've moved in and in that month in a half, I've accumulated about give or take 75 bug bites. It's painful and itchy and the realty company knew this before I moved in and decided not to tell me or anyone else in my building. I am allergic to bug bites and get bitten almost every night. I don't know what to do and I really don't want to live somewhere where I have to look around every 5 minutes to see if there's a bug crawling on my wall, couch, bed, or myself. It angers me that my mattress is only a month old and probably now infested with bedbugs because my damn management company refused to tell me there was a bedbug infestation in the fucking building. I didn't yoga today, I'm very angry.

I don't have time to stay home buy slipcovers for all my fabric items. I don't have time to stay at home and clean out my entire apartment. I don't have time to stay at home and move and clean everything before the exterminator comes. I don't have enough money to wash every single piece of clothing, my sheets, carpet, bathmat, towels, everything to prep for this. I don't have the time. These assholes don't realize that I have work to do. I don't have time to be dealing with this bullshit. I'm so sick and tired of people lying to me. I hate renting from assholes. Dealing with lying cheating brokers. I can't deal with this. Not on top of my schoolwork and internships. I'm GRADUATING. I NEED TO HAVE TIME TO ARRANGE MY STUFF. If I don't graduate, I'm going to sue them and make them pay for the extra semester I'm going to have to stay. This is complete bullshit. I hate them and this apartment so much right now. Again, I'm looking around and I'm not happy. Not happy at all.

This is how I feel right now. And this is what I want to do. Well, I can't find a picture, but I want to beat down these assholes. It's illegal so I won't. But I want to. I need a lawyer. I need to get out. I need my money back and new things so I don't bring these bedbugs to a new place. Fuck my life. My life gets worse every day.

Somebody to love.

So it's Saturday and I haven't done anything I wanted to do outside because it was raining. Most of the day at least. So I...watched Glee. Ha.

via e-online

I believe it's my new addiction. Seeing musicals/music-themed shows are my fix. What can I say, I'm addicted. I want to be on this show, just to be part of this. It's pretty damn cool.

Lots of people have been upset and depressed lately. I blame it on the rain and the winter weather...late fall weather that shouldn't be happening at this moment. My friends are all sad. As am I. It sucks ballsack. So this is all I have to say, because everyone needs to hear this once in a while.

via fuckyeahlove.tumblr.com

Yes, Faustyna, Ben, Susan. I know you don't hear this too often. Especially this way. I know you're going through a tough time. So I just want to say, I fucking love you. Ok. Bis.

Inspiration.

Melissa & Ade - This dance was just so moving. It was featured on Ellen's show and I just had to see the original. The original is what got her to like it in the first place, right? Anyway, it was choreographed by Tyce Diorio and featured on Ellen's show for breast cancer awareness month. Just so moving. I can't get over it. This choreographer feels. I don't even like SYTYCD, but these dancers just won me over.

Beginning

by James Wright

The moon drops one or two feathers into the field.

The dark wheat listens.

Be still.

Now.

There they are, the moons young, trying

Their wings.

Between trees, a slender woman lifts up the lovely shadow

Of her face, and now she steps into the air, now she is gone

Wholly, into the air.

I stand alone by an elder tree, I do not dare breathe

Or move.

I listen.

The wheat leans back toward its own darkness,

And I lean toward mine.

This was just so inspirational and calming. Do you ever have those moments where that one little thing you find or that one little thing you see completely changes your entire day? It's 9PM. These things happened just now.

Today was quite painful. It was one of those mornings. Ya'know. Stumbled to class, fell in my seat and almost fell over sleeping this morning. No bene. The following class on genetics was equally painful. How about this, being tired and not having time to get coffee in between classes equals a bad day all around. I couldn't even muster enough energy to say something in a class that is basically based on class participation. Great. It's okay. It's the end of the school week.

I got home today greeted by the exterminator, Harry. He's a nice man. He told me I need to buy stuff on top of services and the actual extermination to exterminate my apartment. This is frustrating me. I'm keeping these receipts and getting my goddamn landlords to pay for this. This bedbug origin is the apartment at the bottom of my stairs. Great. They crawled up those damn stairs into my apartment. The girl who lives above this guy. Oh, man. I feel bad for her. She's been here for 15 years, she hates the management, but her apartment is rent stabilized. Lucky and unlucky woman. She told me the city stopped spraying DTT on the street which kept the bugs out, but they stopped right? Here they come. The management company doesn't want to make this a big deal. Too bad assholes. I have 48 bugbites. They should've told me about this problem when I moved in, which they didn't. Shit going down mofuckas. This conversation with them lasted about an hour and it was a nice time to vent and share hatred upon this management company. I'm getting a lawyer. I want a new place without bedbugs and my money back. The other women in my building agree. I'm done with it.

So you see why I needed that calming. Yes. I'm going to watch the video and read the poem again. I want to be calm. Calm, calm, calm. This is difficult.

Motivation.

via pegobry.tumblr.com

Really.
Why listen to anyone but yourself?
Conformity sucks.
It's okay to be a little crazy.
It's the only way people will remember you.