Phew. A break.

Hello old friends. Due to my exceptionally busy schedule and just lack of time, I haven't been able to update. Fortunately enough, it's SPRING BREAK! My last one too, I'm afraid. I'm gypped of one. UNFAIR. So, leading up to today, it's really just been, school & work, school & work therefore, I am due for a nice long sun-filled break. I'm currently in Jersey right now visiting my parents because it's my mother's birthday the day I leave. She's okay with it though. Weird.

Moving on. School has been over in my mind since the day it started this semester. I'm working on my thesis, trying to be interested in my PR class, trying to attend my EMI (Entertainment & Media Industries) class, and trying to stay healthy while I juggle these endless papers on top of my internship. I've been managing well lately, I'm proud of myself..to some extent. There's only two months left until graduation! May 10th and May 12th. Yes, I graduate twice. It's great, get the use of my gown ya'know. It's $50 dollars to rent! Crazy.

In terms of job searching, I've had people offer me internships, which I don't want. I have to contact a few people from job fairs because they said they would contact me and if I didn't hear, I should reach out to them. So, that's what I'm doing. Discovery is being good to me. I've learned a lot about selling, how to work around things, time management, and met lots of different people. The people at Discovery really make the company, they're all happy and want to be there. Weird, right? It makes me want it more! My boss and I have been getting along quite well, I'd like to call her my "third mentor"--we're assigned two from the start. Another one of mine just returned from getting married (!!) and the other is working her butt off because...well it's her job. She's good at it. I don't blame her.

Asides from Midterms week, I've had a lovely time in New York, despite the cold weather. I love meeting new people and going to places I've never been. I explored the LES bars and EV bars. I'm not an alcoholic, but a few drinks are always nice after a long day. New favorites are Bua and Piano's Bar. Always a little crowded, but usually a good time. My friend's girlfriend has been visiting for a month, she left last Wednesday (sad). It doesn't matter though, because we had a great time, I met a few more European people to add to my list of friends across the pond, and just enjoyed spur of the moment activities with the girl. Always a good time.

Then there's food. Always food. I've eaten at Congee Village, Cafe Orlin, IchiUmi, May's, Pommes Frites, Flea Market Cafe, Westville East, La Palapa, amongst so many others. I can't even begin to describe the multiple food-gasms I've had. Kat has always introduced me to new places to eat, and I love her for it. Food is a huge staple in my life because well, that's the only time I'm able to see people or they're able to see me. Again, always a good time.

Well, now I'm at home, bumming around, posting on my blog. I leave for Puerto Rico on Monday and return Friday. I don't expect to take pictures, but that's how I am (unless it's Paris of course). I'm excited for so much sun and just absolute relaxation. To end this, I will post some epic photographs. Ciao.

Early Bird.

It's quite early. I've been awake wince 3:30AM. Well, 1:30AM but have been laying in bed, thinking. I think more than I actually do work. If my paper consisted of a thinking portion, I'd beast it. So, it's 5:30AM. I've played brickbreaker and pulled out my Stats homework. Unfortunately, nothing's come of that yet. Just thought I'd write a quick post of the rest of my weekend and what's to come.

On Saturday, my friend planned this reunion so I attended. Unwillingly at first, but I figured why not. Learned a few thing I didn't want to know, things I didn't want to hear, but in the end I didn't have to put on a face. The people I didn't want to interact with, I didn't have to and the people who talked to me held great conversation. I didn't realize how reflective and curious some people were. In high school, everything's about who your friends are, not how they are. I had, well still have some pretty smart friends. I've gotten more into my paper and wanted to tell everyone about it since it hits close to home. I got some interest in it and one thing led to another and it was a full fledged discussion on women. I can't post about it, it'd be too damn long. Needless to say, it was a good time.

The following day, I guess Sunday, yesterday, I headed back to New York. My father told me more about his hardships throughout his life and I always think if I left my family, I could probably work as hard as my father and survive. Sometimes I think it's worth it. That's what I thought about this morning..night. Who knows.

This week ends my internship. Finally! I need to concentrate on school. My paper is due in two weeks and my research isn't even half done. My friends want a reunion and I have so much homework to do/videos to make/internships to apply to/jobs to apply to/finals to study for. I'm sure everyone is the same. However, my attitude may be much worse in the next weeks to come, so heed this warning. Also, I apologize now for any unnecessary anger in the next few weeks, but I'm sure there will be times of necessary venting and frustration.

On another note, I dreamed of Paris again. It was an amazing dream, but I can barely remember it now. Only that it was glorious. It's sad how quickly dreams fade.

I smile.

These past 5 days in the katcourtjordanross apartment has been the best 5 days of my life. Unfortunately, I have to listen to Paparazzi every 5 minutes, but it's fun listening to them play and sing. These people have actual jobs, have time to go out during weeknights and right now, all of them are in bed sleeping. How does this happen? I want this life. They all seem so happy even when they say they're stressed out. Being around these people has made me so undeniable giggly girl happy. I don't know what it is. Even Kat says I'm weird happy. I guess when you surround yourself with happy people, life is great.

On another topic, my old apartment. I have officially moved out. I found 7 bugs inside my vinyl covering of my new mattress. NEW, mind you. A bug in my coffee mug and probably countless others hiding within the boxes. I'm scared that my dad is bringing them to our home in New Jersey. We moved everything out Tuesday with the help of his worker. I signed a contract until May, well Sonia, my new landlord says, month by month basis, but probably til May. I have my own cute little bedroom, she has a huge kitchen, I'm bringing a toaster oven because hers is ancient, she's got a great living room and a cat and a dog. She seems pretty stressed out, so I don't want to bother her. Well, as much as I can. And the price I'm paying for this place is so so much less than what I paid living by myself. I needed roommates to begin with (coughbenandsusie). Oh well. We've gotten to that point of a new place. Our family lawyer says he'll handle it from here. I haven't heard from him. I'll probably call him tomorrow to find out what's going on. Hopefully he can get our security deposit back as well as October and September's rent. It's definitely called for. I still have bug bite marks from August. Yeah, it's that bad. I hope he knows what he's doing. My entire building is pissed off. Maybe this'll start a riot. Who knows. I hope so.

Although my living situation has been great, school has been going downhill. I HATE it now. I go to class and think, why the fuck am I sitting here looking at him when all of his lectures are online. Well, given it's only one class, but still. It's online and I can barely hear him in class so I should just watch it online. Right? Stats is so boring. My teacher is French and is always adorable but still, the subject is boring. Politics/Propaganda is a bit confusing now. I don't know how to understand him anymore. Film is the same over and over again. She's funny but the same stuff gets more boring every day. Yeah.

Anyway, I planned my schedule for next semester already. I think I don't have to take a class in the winter session (yay!) but we'll have to find a 1 credit class that will fit my schedule. Most things require an audition (ie. choir and orchestra). If USingers came back I'd totally do it again. I miss FrankieJ. He was the bomb diggity. He's on a sabbatical right now. Fart. Otherwise my schedule looks pretty good. I have enough days to hold a decent internship at a big company I can get credit for. I'm excited. I never got to apply to those things because I couldn't get credit. Yeah. I'm excited to work for credit. It's better than working for nothing. I've been working for nothing for about 2 years now. It sucks balls.

It's only 12:30. I'm going to bed. I've never been on such a good sleeping schedule. Thanks Kat and roommates, although poor Kat is studying for a Business Law exam at the moment. Girl is stressing. We had red velvet cake/cupcakes today though. It made up for it. I told her not to get another slice, but it looks like some food could cheer her up at the moment. I don't like seeing her stressed out. It worries me. Yeah, I'm a mama bird right now.

Somebody to love.

So it's Saturday and I haven't done anything I wanted to do outside because it was raining. Most of the day at least. So I...watched Glee. Ha.

via e-online

I believe it's my new addiction. Seeing musicals/music-themed shows are my fix. What can I say, I'm addicted. I want to be on this show, just to be part of this. It's pretty damn cool.

Lots of people have been upset and depressed lately. I blame it on the rain and the winter weather...late fall weather that shouldn't be happening at this moment. My friends are all sad. As am I. It sucks ballsack. So this is all I have to say, because everyone needs to hear this once in a while.

via fuckyeahlove.tumblr.com

Yes, Faustyna, Ben, Susan. I know you don't hear this too often. Especially this way. I know you're going through a tough time. So I just want to say, I fucking love you. Ok. Bis.

one more time.

So, tonight was superb, well in a way. I have friends that don't mind getting drunk with me on a weekday. Nice. But sometimes, 40 year old bouncers don't do it for me. Although, I am interested in his artwork. That's a story. I won't tell you, it's not interesting.

Anyhow, this past week has been somewhat hectic and boring. Yes, the extremes. I have been deciding about this internship about Lalique because I think I've taken all I can from these people. It's that time. I need a new internship stat. Also, went to Steven Madden today to buy shoes. Ended up being offered a job as a retail associate because I knew someone who worked there who worked with me before. Fuck. I don't think I wanna do that again. It's just all kinds of crazy, unless I get commission. I need a job to pay my bills. My parents can't do that for me anymore. I had this argument/talk with a friend of mine who's all on loans but I mean, it's her fault. She could've gone to a state school for free, but she chose NYU. Not my problem, mec. Not my problem. It's just hard accepting money from my parents. I know until I get a job, there is no way I can spend like I am. Swiping and all that bullshit. I need to stop. I wish there was someway to get rid of all my credit, my parents and sisters credit, and start all over. Fuck. It sucks.

I also was recently, hit on by a friend. It was awkward. Really awkward. Hectic, to say to least. Not my kinda show. Friends are friends and I'm not really attracted to him unless I'm super drunk. It doesn't happen often, unless I were in Paris. Speaking of Paris, I hung out with a friend from France, met her friend Raphael, and managed to understand/kinda conversate in French. Really made me happy. Kinda made me realize I need to go back to France. ASAP. I don't know what to do.

Something exciting, developed my own pictures and printing them tomorrow for class. I'm excited. Taking more pictures tomorrow. I need money. I think I have to take this job. Fuck. My. Life.

The Calming Rain.

So, last Friday I went to Jersey to get away from the bullshit. It was actually really nice. I stayed with my parents and we got along quite.. well. I still think this is weird. So Friday I stayed in and finished 30 Rock. Bam. Nice. Then Saturday I was awoken pretty early to go to this buffet called IchiUmi. Are you laughing? Because I am. The place was inside Menlo Park Mall about 20 dollars a head for a buffet lunch. Kinda but not really expensive for all the shit they serve you. I had a plate of straight up sushi/sashimi, variety of fishes, then moved onto oysters, crawfish, and les moules! [mussels]. Delicious. Then a nice hot plate of Japanese food. Fatty? I think so. It was the most filling meal of my life. Well..for now at least. Went to see some friends after and got some Rita's Italian Ice. Haven't had that in ages. Yum Yum! Hung around the mall like I used to do. Which is still boring. Then headed home to talk to an old friend.

I haven't talked to so many people since I graduated. I don't know how I'm getting phone calls/emails from people I haven't seem since graduation. We were never close. Weird. Maybe I'm more interesting now that I went to France? Who knows. Womp. Anyhow, we conversated, mainly about my life, then my family and I headed to see Up in 3D. Can I tell you how much that movie moved me? I wanted to cry, but I don't have those cathartic experiences in movie theaters. Oh well. It was AMAZING, though! The previews were also in 3D. Oh man. I'm such a kid at heart, I still love cartoons and animated things. Well, in that sense at least. After that I went home and started watching Entourage. I'm hooked. One show after another. Weeds is probably next. I'm already on the 3rd season of Entourage. What is wrong with me?

Yesterday was my Econ midterm. Fuck I failed. I'm so scared I can't afford to not pass. I think I'll start taking notes on the next chapter now. Wakka. Faustyna and I met up for some Jamba juice love and Artichoke pizza. It's SO GOOD. I'm craving it now. Fuck. We walked around then headed to my dorm room to watch some Entourage. Let's hug it out, bitch. That line is now a favorite. I want to be a man, things are so simple.

Anyhow, I'm currently at my internship. Where NO ONE is. My boss is at a doctors appointment, the CEO and marketing director are probably at home canoodling and everyone's just disappeared. I didn't show up yesterday and no one said anything. Huh. What a place. There was a meeting this morning and I wasn't allowed to sit in. What the fuck and I supposed to learn? Need to reanalyze my situation. Forreal.

Apparently, last night was this HUGE thunderstorm. Little did I know. I slept like a rock. I woke up to the smell of rain and the sound of jackhammers. Lovely.

Not so fresh start.

So, 30 Rock, all three seasons are almost finished. Yay! This past week has been the most fun-filled dramatic week of my life. It's only been about 2 weeks since I've been back and there are problems already. Since when do people make problems for friends? I understand I'm starting ot ona bad not, but I just want to mention this once, then forget about it forever. Apparently, I'm the one with this dramatic problem. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. When there's drama, it is NOT always my fault and I'm not going to take people's bullshit anymore. Skip ahead if you're not interested.

Friends are untrustworthy. All of them. Even your closest. How do you know that they won't turn on you, in a split second? Even my friends of 5-10 years are still on the edge, I can't trust. I did with this group of people I hung out with all throughout my freshman year of college, this did not turn out too well. I put my heart on the table, they know everything there is to know about me. I tell them everything. Thing is, after I did, they just assumed I was this conniving, sadistic, constantly angry bitch that they could put the blame on. Alright, I took it the first few times, I didn't realize it was my fault but I wanted to make amends. So, I apologize. Why do I have to do it first. ALL THE TIME. Even in high school. I'm a pushover. I may not seem like it, but if I consider you my friends, I'm the biggest pushover around. This sucks balls.

So, I had a problem with this girl from abroad. I've talked about her before I believe. She doesn't keep in contact with me or anything no form of communication. I'm upset because she talks to everyone else but me, and I considered her a close friend. Well, I guess not anymore. Recently she had this incident where she was on a film shoot and lightning hit something and killed a crew member. Upsetting right? Yes, it is. I'm not a monster. When her 'courier' told me about it, I wasn't moved really. I wasn't hearing it directly from her, and it seemed like a message that was saying, I'm coming to New York for no reason whatsoever so feel bad for me and comfort me all the time. Okay. I'm not going to sit there and talk to her like I like her until our previous conflict is resolved. These people KNOW how I am, they know that if I'm mad at you or do not like you, I will flat out be a bitch. They know this, they've seen it before, but when it comes to our little 'group', or rather THE group, it's unacceptable. I'm not the kind of person to put all feelings aside when something happens, even when it's death. I'm probably irrational about it and I know I'm not the 'bigger person' but whatever. This is who I am, judge me as you wish.

So, I told her courier friend that I don't really care for her situation. I'm not going to play nice and sit around and just say I'm sorry all the time when things never are my fault. I wanted to talk to her about our situation before I can actually tell her that I am sorry for her friend, and that she had to experience that. But now I take it back. I hate that my 'friends' have to tell me they stick up for me. Why is there any of this sticking up for me in the first place? What in fuck's sake have I done wrong? I sit around and sometimes read or study and not talk to these people and they assume I've gone wrong. Great. Fuck my life. I remember when Bree told me about my negative-ness. I was hurt, but I realized it's how I am, and how I deal with situations. I know she pushed away because it wasn't good for her well-being. I know. If these people knew, why didn't they do the same exact thing. Stupid fucks.

This leads to a phone call I got yesterday at work. The girl, Emellie, calls me up and tells me that she heard I wanted to talk to her but she had no desire to speak to me. So calling me and saying that makes her the bigger person? Number one, don't raise your voice at me once picking up the phone, it's all downhill from there. I was at work so I tried to not raise my voice, yet she's yelling about some nonsensical bullshit and tells me that the world doesn't revolve around me because she didn't talk to me in Paris. Stop. When did I ever think that the world revolved around me? When did I ever suggest this? I'm upset because she didn't see me as close as a friend as I, her. Stop. I flipped a shit, cussed out the situation, not at her, and hung up. I don't want to speak to someone who is so self-centered, conceited, who constantly needs attention, two faced, and a generally needy son of a bitch. I know who I am. I've been through enough bullshit to know that I don't need a lecture from someone who thinks that because she's had one relationship and dealt with a parents divorce makes her a stronger and better person than everyone else. Bull fucking shit.

I've dedicated enough time and energy on this. I'm done.

MOVING ON. Begin here to pass the bullshit.

Alors, last week, Friday, I was called for an interview at Izzy Gold Records, a branding slash record company. Had a previous internship going on, but skipped out for the interview. Waited 15 minutes passed my appointment, a little angry. After getting called in he steps out. He talks to me for about 45 minutes about everything, I'd basically be his bitch. Okay. Number one thing I do not like. But, after his speech slash anecdote he said, I like you. Come in Monday. What?! Okay I was happy but I didn't want to be a bitch. But I went anyway. So bored. What do I do? I want to stay with this company for now, give a few months see how it is, and if I don't learn anything, I will move on. Always the same thing.

But so far, I briefly met/saw Chace Crawford during the film reel shoot for the studio, the Countess from some bravo tv show with whom I practiced french with, and Izzy Gold. The musical genius I would like to one day work with. He's the CEO of the company, but I never see him, he has an apprentice who always sees him. Lucky bastard. These people are funny and really nice, but so far nothing too interesting. I can't sit in meetings, I can't do much really. Womp. Sit it out.

Saw John Legend this morning on the Good Morning America show. He's adorable, and better live than on the record. I want to be him. Except a woman. My friends visited me to see him too and they ended up crashing. It's 2:15PM they're still sleeping. My dad's coming around 4. Crap.

Going to Jersey this weekend to mellow out, and study Econ. Great. I hate school.

Happier?

It's been a few days since I've been back and it's been bittersweet. I've missed New York and I think I actually miss my home. My parents have been extremely nice and there's something weird about that. But, I guess all's well. I think I may actually visit home a few times this summer. Hmm. If you don't know me, that's an odd thing.

So, I've been in New York for exactly three days. Bored out of my mind, jobless, and about to be internship-less. Thing is, my boss is about to leave her job at my internship therefore, I would stop going because I'm going back to work for her... My jobless days consist of sleeping til noon then going out and spending money, going to class, spending more money then sleeping. Constant cycle. I hate it. I want to make money. My parents are supporting me right now. It feels so weird. I know people are going to say well aren't you glad you don't have to work? Answer? No. I'm not glad. I actually like working. I have fun. Or try my best. It's something to fill my time. Tomorrow I'm going to a few bartending open calls without any .... real bartending experience. Wish me luck on that. AHHH.

Oh, also. Been hanging out with Soo Young a lot. Yes, my friend's name is Soo Young. We went to get a mani-pedi. I've never gotten this done before. The woman cut off my massive cuticles and nasty feet corns. Hahaha. It's a big disgusting when you read this. But I got some awesome neon orange nails and hot pink toenails. I'm such a fan right now. All Soo Youngs doing. She has neon yellow nails and hot pink toenails. Bam. When I get a job, I will constantly do this forever and ever. Need to get my hair did too. Gawd. Why do women have to do so much to look good? I mean we don't have to, but most of us feel like we need to. Me too. I don't get any men and really, I've never actually been on a date. 20 years old. Never gone on a real date. Wow. Anyhow. That was a good time.

Went to Lalique today to find Suzie. She said I could work for her, I began on the spot and am currently, well was, calling and filing press/media kits for Lalique. It's something new. It's a good time. Ran into Rebecca from Puma after work today. It was great! I missed her so. I'm looking forward tomorrow. Mimi, my old roommate is coming in, we're going to see a friend's show at the Bitter End on Bleecker Street if anyone wants to join, going job hunting and finally having some work to do at Lalique during the day. Success!

So, those were the good things. Bad thing is, since I've gotten back I haven't been in touch with my friends. Why? They refuse to talk to me. Why? I have absolutely no idea. We all split for study abroad and this one girl decides to bitch out and declare we were all abandoning her. Are we really? Huh. Didn't really see it that way. Thought we all were going for school, just happened to be at the same time. Oh well. She continues to break our bond being flaky and reiterating the fact that she's found a new group of friends. A new group that influenced her to begin smoking, something she was so against and constantly yelled at me for, then made her this hipster bitch that she is not. Good for her. God. I'm ranting. She's really not worth it. The people that want to be my friend will make the effort. I'm just going to end this if she wants it that way. It's probably for the best. She didn't really do much for my soul anyhow.

Going to watch all of 30 rock. YAY.

Live it up.

So, last Wednesday my lovely friends and I headed to Nice, France for a few days before finals. It was beautiful. We got to the apartment, then straight to be beach. Prime tanning time. The beaches were all rocks which is a plus and minus. Rocks means no sand in the nana but pain in the feets. Oh well. Good anyhow. We did basically nothing for 4 days. Really. Nothing except eat Fenocchio ice cream, gyros, and tan like a mofucka. Also went gambling for the first time in a casino. Won 10 euros overall. Yay. Really happy. No, really. Good times good times.

That was and will be my last trip in Paris. Pretty sure I'll remember that forever. Thing is on that trip I realized so many things. People are so quick to catch you when you're vulgar. Thing is, why is everyone so sheltered in this mentality that everyone needs to act or be the same in some way to be socially accepted. So what if people are outspoken or even straight up vulgar. It's how they are. Since when is judgment socially acceptable. Why is everyone [me too] constantly judging people we don't know by their actions. This, my friends, means societal concerns have taken over our own beliefs. Fail. Fail. Fail.

Numero dos, I find it difficult to be nice to stupid people, people who play dumb but are actually smart, and again, stupid people. This is NOT one of my judging things. I judge, yes. Only if I don't know you. I'll be nice when I meet someone, I guess inside I'm a French girl at heart [they're all cold-hearted bitches], but after I get to know someone and they NEVER get anything I say, or just play dumb or ask stupid questions. It's over. I am a flat out bitch. Yes, it's wrong to hurt other peoples feelings blahblahblah, but no one ever speaks up. Ever. They just take the stupidness, constantly taking it without any reaction. Since when is this acceptable? Since when is speaking up against something you, personally do not like, socially unacceptable? So. Wrong.

Tres, I cannot live with more than one person. Ever. I like hanging out in groups, but living in a large group is a big fail. I learned some self-control on this trip, too. No doubt. Thanks, Soo Young. For real.

Quatro, I hate lazy mothafucks. People who have been raised with mothers who do everything for them and they, themselves never learned to do simple chores. People who think they're above others because of their family. That's an epic fail.

So I am ranting. Yes. Only to rest my raging thoughts and take them out from my movie-making process. I would like to mention the name of the person I am ranting about, but I think I'll withhold some self-control and not. This girl knows that I do not like her, knows that I think she's stupid, yet continues to be stupid. Now I know, for myself, she is actually stupid. It's not a facade. I've given up. I can no longer be around this person. Thank God this semester is over.

Trying to work on my Ethnography movie, edit this paper said dumb girl forwarded to me, Principles movie and take home exam, Museum's Orangerie write up for final. What a week.

Ten. Days. To. Go.

Old Friends, New Friends.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Entire day was normal, going to class and all. My french teacher was insanely ill, yet carried out class. Fuck. Wish she would just cancel a class. Womp. So day was normal, went to the Cité Nationale de l’Histoire de l'Immigration. I thought it was nice despite everyone else's disagreement. Oh well. It was modern fused with classical roman architecture. I don't know. I dig it. Saw the permanent exhibit, thought it was alright, then found out there was an aquarium underneath. What?! I felt like I was 5 years old again. However, we didn't get the chance to go because the group ticket didn't allow us to go in the aquarium. Womp. I plan on going back just to see it.

Anyways, after, I went with my friend Sara to get some coffee, then to class. Now, she's been telling me about her love affair with this man. There's been a situation, extremely surprising, although I can not say, and she's worried. Thing is, she won't stop talking about it. Why won't she stop talking about it? I think it's just something in women that allow them to overly analyze every single action the opposite sex does. I find this somewhat annoying and pathetic. However, I understand these kinds of girls. I'm not one to judge since I've never had a relationship where it got to the point of that. So maybe I'm inexperienced. Who knows. Oh well. Point is, her story made me think of relationships, whether it would be romantic or friendly. There's always some kind of love in relationship right? False. Even in close relationships, say family or 'best friends,' there's only you, and no one else. Everyone is selfish in their own way. No one is absolutely selfless. Who puts you above everyone else? Even if they'd die for you, they're considering their own life before doing it. Always about themselves. Just have to accept it. Don't get too close. You'll only get hurt.

Anyway, had Media Ethnography in a different room. Got lost trying to find it. Ended up in the Mac lab in the basement of Grenelle. Had a final cut pro tutorial from the film head, Mathieu. He's a baller. Taught us basics, stuff I already knew, so I surfed the net. [I learned it in another film class. I wasn't being rude.] Then, second block we watched Control Room. A documentary of America's "War on Terror" through the perspective of the Al Jazeera Media and Press. It was really interesting. Probably one of the best documentaries I've watched. Made me kind of hate my own nationality. Oops. You should watch it. Makes Americans seem ignorant and stupid. But for a good reason.

Then, went home dropped my books and stuff off and headed to The Moose to reunite with a high school friend I haven't seen in about 3 years. Except once, briefly in NYC while she was shopping with her sister. Briefly. So, she got lost, I went to find her and said hello, blahblahblah all that jazz. We grabbed a drink, talking nonstop about what's been going on, what we do in school, how we've grown. Wow. I can't believe it's been so long. I thought she would've known by now what my major was and the things I've been doing. [She's been keeping up with my sister.] But no. Wow. Made me realize I don't know what's going on in ANYONE's life. I'm so out of the loop. Even with my 'close group of friends' at NYU, I don't speak to them at all. No one takes the time to talk to me. Great. Fuck them. Yeah, people have their own lives, but relationships can't be one-sided. I always push, never get anything back. Done. [I had a lot of epiphanies that night]. Made it seem that really, I should be selfish. No one will care for me as much as I care for them. I'll keep my friends close, but never too close. I always share my life with everyone, stranger or best friend, so what do I have to worry about. I don't care if they know my life. They won't bother to even take enough in to remember, so what's the point?

Pause. Wow. Really pessimistic outlook of life.

Thing is, Paris has helped me. I've known these things before but, now I really know. Live for myself, be by myself. People might think otherwise. Well, prove me wrong. Yes, you and your friends probably love hanging out and you call them everyday. Think about the one girl or the one boy in your group of friends that you just seem to ignore. She or he will call you every so often, but you'll never take the time to go find them. Think about that lone person. Did you ever care enough to pay attention? Hmm? Do you think you pay enough attention? I'm not preaching. Really. It may seem like it. It may seem like I'm yelling through my words. I'm not. It's how I write. Everything seems angry. But, I have the right to be. Fuck it. I'll be the lone person. I don't expect anything from anything. They just disappoint me most of the time anyway.

Sparkle

A glimpse of happiness. Talked to my two best friends today. Daniel and Mike. Don't know what I'd do without them.

After talking to Daniel, I realized I'm so out of the loop, I hate yet absolutely love it. I want to make new friends. Fuck. I think it's going to happen.

50 days until New York. And New York University. I'm really excited. Je te viens, New York. Tu me manques.

Je pense que je dois écrire plus en français. Quand je retourne à New York, je ne parlerai jamais français encore. Je crois. Je sais pas. Il est trois heures moin quart. Je dois dormir.

Ciao.

The falling out.

So, after vacation for two weeks with my "best friend", she begins to ignore me. I don't understand why while my friend from home begins, or rather, continues to flake out on me, and my gay friend has disappeared. What do I do? Schoolwork is beginning to pile because I haven't done any since I've gotten here, and my funds are extremely low. Why do I make terrible choices? So this girl is a big problem because I don't know what I've done wrong. Her best friend from home visits, and not wanting to upset her, I wait till she leaves before I confront her. Her answer is 'nothing, I just don't feel like going out too much, I'm short on money, I thought you'd get the wrong idea' whilst she continues to go out everyday and spend mad cash. Alright. She's angry, she won't tell me, I'll leave it be. Don't want any high school drama in my life. Few days later, her best gay friend pisses her off, and me wanting to talk to him to be a good friend to both of them, gets pushed and harassed by this boy and ends up getting on her good side. What the fuck? Messed up. I ignore her. She gets angry and posts passive aggressive facebook status'. Alright, I try to be nice for the sake of it. I've found new friends to hang out with, ones I've had but have been distant from because this girl's been dragging me everywhere.

Julia, Silvie, Olivia, and Sofia have been my chill buddies. Julia's boyfriend is mad chill and they're just great friends to me now, overall. I regret not seeing her more often. Anyhow, this is really all over the place. Since we've gotten back, I've been doing most of the work for my Ethnography project which is pissing me off because I know I hate working in large groups because of the uneven work distribution yet I allowed this to happen. Fuck. I've had papers due, a sickness that I'm still trying to get over [I think it's a reoccurring bronchitis], a 10 page research paper I need to get started on, two 10-minute videos for video production class, and the 20 minute documentary for Ethnography. Fuck my life. It's not difficult, but it's a lot. I hate bullshit work.

On another note, my old roommate, Mimi and my friend Molly visited from Florence. I gave then a huge tour of Paris, although I never really thought about meals, and went out every night. They had a good time, as did I. Although after I left, I realized how much I liked to be alone. Haha. Oops. I have this problem with people. I don't think I could even maintain a relationship with a man or ever get married. Hmm. Friends are okay. I don't see them every day.

So it's daylight savings time in Paris. One hour ahead. Shit. Lost an hour. Slept over Julia and Jeremy's last night. Had good Chinese food today in Chinatown and found soy sauce for cooking. Baller. And lost 2 from writing these posts. What do I do? Oh well. I don't know what else to write except I can't stop thinking about one thing. Fuck my life. And it's not sex. Thanks. Off to do homework, or attempt to.

Adventures.

So, it's been a while. I thought I'd keep track of my travels, but no. Having too much fun. Down to 200 dollars. Fuck.

Starting back in February, I didn't worry much about school or money. Big mistake. When Ben, Susie, and Gwen came, I must've spent mad money. This was all the end of February too. But, earlier February was even worse, les amis at the moose didn't like, or know me well enough to give me free drinks, and the one man who gave me free drinks left. Therefore, spendage. From $2600 in February, I am down to $700 of which I can only spend $200 more. I'm considering the lottery, although I do have the worst luck in the world. Why I say this is, because also, in February, my wallet was stolen with my driver's license, credits cards, insurance cards, apartment keys, my actual home in the states keys, copy of my passport, etc. all in this little wallet. Some asshole stole it from me causing me to panic. Of course right? Normale. But even then, I had to pay 250 Euros for a lock replacement and 100 euros on the phone bill to make calls to all places in the states to cancel my credit cards and order new ones. Fuck my life. Probably one of the worse nights here.

However, the good times did indeed, roll. I got close with this girl from California, I would like to call her my best friend of the moment, and we chilled Tuesday through Friday. Nonstop. I had so much fun, the schoolwork was nonexistent, I mean Paris. Why not? So we had fun, spent money, and went on Spring break! Barcelona to Paris to the Canary Islands.

Barcelona was beautiful.

We arrived at night and had falafel. First thing. Mind you, this girl is a vegetarian so this trip was kind of difficult for me, eating fried chickpeas and fries everyday. Well not everyday, but you get what I mean. Too much of something I don't eat too often isn't cool. But we were sick the first two days so things were slow. We slept in and stayed in a lot. And then I had some bad seafood paella. Blegh. Never again. So two days of nothing, then the third day, things started to look up. I met up with my group partners in Plaza de la Catalunya so we could go make our documentary video for our Ethnography class. Of course, they were late, but we made it to the restaurant. Got our interviews, ate some tapas. It was good. Then we took a metro to some stop then walked past the Gaudi-designed house. Pretty baller.
Headed back to my hostel/their apartment and planned a small walk. I went back to drop off my film equipment to find my friend still dying in bed. I left her so she could continue to rest and headed to Las Ramblas. Got some gelato and headed toward the beach. It was around the time for Carnaval, so there were lotsss of people dressed up like crazies. It was cool. I dug it. =) So we walked to the pier but couldn't find the beach so we just walked around the pier, saw a mall, took come pictures of the water and headed back to the hostel. When I got back, I found my friend better and nourished. [She snuck out for Falafel...again.] So we got ready and headed out. We went to Silvie and friend's apartment. Started drinking there, played some new random games. [Pterodactyl and some weird version of Big Booty and Jigglypuff.] Who knows. Anyhow, headed out for even MORE falafel, then headed to the travel bar. My friend and I ditched everyone else because well, they ditched us. So we drank at the Travel Bar, got in a fight with some old Irish men trying to bag on the states and how we had a huge role in the economic recession. I wanted to kill him so I just ignored at the end. So time for the girl's name, I can't type 'my friend' anymore. I guess she'll never see this. Bree courted a man whilst I argued. The bartender who was 17. Wow. No judgment. But he was in love with her, it was interesting, and we headed to the following bar next door, Cheers. We had some fun times there. Met a group of men there for a bachelor's party. They bought us drinks. All good. We headed on home and the end. Next day we just explored the Boqueria market [my favorite part of Barcelona, I went everyday] bought fruit and food and walked to the beach. Actually found it this time, after getting in a fight over taking some weird bicycle cab, had some bad chinese food and went to the travel bar again. This night was infinitely better although travel bar seems to be a place for argument. I got in a fight with a Spaniard about frankly, I don't even know. People like to yell at me. Fuck. So, Bree talked to el bartender again then headed next door. We met these 3 boys, one of which was gay, and hung out with them. We were going to go to their bar in their hostel, but it was closed, so we ended up going to a, get this, Spanish speakeasy. What the fuck?! It was ill. We went up, played never have I ever, got offered to have sex in the bathroom, and made new friends. Crazy night. I regret not exploring outside of the Las Ramblas area. But overall good visit.

Back to Paris. Susie Q, Ben, and Gwen stayed with me. Brought them to Mix. Payed mad money. Got kissed by some drunk bastard, got grabbed, the usual. Fuck. So, we did some touristy things during the day but nothing exciting. I brought them to the moose, naturally, and introduced them to my friends. My friend [gaymanwhoididn'tknowwasgayatfirst] was getting hit on by a friend of ours, although we think he's asexual, and I started looking at another bartender. alsdkfa;owena. Gah. Always bartenders. What am I doing with my life. So Paris was short, 3 days and then off to Madrid for a layover to Canary Islands. In the morning we found Sofia and Julia at the airport, tired and Sofia, hungover. Got some expensive airport nourishment then boarded our plane, and last minute, was joined by Tamer and his boy Yann. I find Yann interesting. Very mature, but keeps his humour intact. I'm a fan. Couldn't sleep on the plane, but only a few hours later we landed. EXCITED! We ran to the hostel, after taking a few buses, and straight to the beach. Although, we got there late, we still got some sun. Then had some Chinese, amazing how large the portions were then headed back to the hostel. We went out that night. Pretty amazing how no one was out and the owners opened a bar for us. It was cool.

The next day was hectic. Everyone else joined us in the late afternoon at the new hostel. It was called a 'hotel' our room was nice, but smelled septic. Ugh. But better than the last, no complaints. Tried to get some sun in but it was dark so we wandered. Julia and I walked around to find a small park with provinces and countries. I was a fan. Still a fan. Then walked back home. We stayed in most of the nights because we were all exhausted or planning for the next day. One day we headed to the south of Gran Canaria, Maspalomas. We rode camels and got prime tanning time. It was baller.
We went on a path that jutted out from the lighthouse and, I can't even describe it. I don't even have a picture because I forgot my camera. Gorgeous. The water and the rocks and sun. Just breathtaking. So we left to go home and rest. We ate at this restaurant we frequented right next to the hostel. Had some honey rum shots and decided to go home to get drunk to find that liquor wasn't allowed to be sold past 10pm. Fuck. So we again, just chilled, had a great time. The following day was the second to last day so we decided to once again go to the beach to find it was a rainy and cloudy day. Boo. So we walked around and decided what to do for the night. That night was ridiculous. We went to find Pacha, a club, after pregaming at home, to find ourselves lost. We got stopped by some man who led us to a bar to bring us to an owner of another club, the Moma. Apparently, as my friends said, he took a liking to me, he wouldn't leave me alone and gave us all open bar all night. He even brought us to Pacha to make sure we wouldn't get lost. He again, got us in for free, and to my amazement, open bar at Pacha too. What the fuck. I got scared, tried to break free and joined my friends. I think he eventually left, because I didn't see him again. I don't even know his name. Awkward. So we just danced, but an hour or so later, we were asked to leave for dancing "too sexually." Whatever the fuck that means. There were strippers dancing on tables. We're too sexual? Fuck it. So we left. We stumbled home, don't even know how we got home, and passed out. The next day we were supposed to leave and the girls were going back down to Maspalomas. Thing is, none of us woke up before noon sans hangover. So we stayed in drinking water and talking until 3pm, when we got lunch, got some more water, and left for the airport. The worst hangover of my life. But a great time.

We ended up flying on time to Madrid then Paris. The End of vacation.