The end.

So, my time is coming to an end here in Paris. I can't even begin to describe my inner feelings of turmoil and extreme sadness. I'm going to begin with my last days.

Went to the Catacombs with Soo Young on Friday. Then Saint Chappelle by myself.The catacombs are mad scary, if alone, but cool nonetheless. Did you know there are 6 million bodies in the catacombs? Trivia. Anyhow, after catacombs, Saint Chappelle. It's hidden in the courtyard of the Palais de Justice and you need to go through security check before going in. Weird. Got in for free with my student card. Balla! [ie. Baller.] It's the most beautiful stained glass I've ever seen. If in Paris, go see this. So worth it.

Beginning Sunday, my landlord stopped by and checked out the apartment, the movies I made in school, and hugged me goodbye and wished me a safe trip. First goodbye. He didn't really mean much except be a great landlord. Okay. That day I didn't do much because it was Sunday so Soo Young and I headed to the Orangerie where I went last week to examine the museum for my final.
It's still a great museum. Headed to Colette, it wasn't open so we went to get some hot chocolate from Angelina, known for its hot chocolate. So clearly we had to get some hot choco. Can I tell you how rich and delicious it was? It was like drinking a chocolate bar smothered in cold whipped cream goodness.
Alors, after this we parted and Katharine joined me for dinner back at Bistrot de Peintre, I believe it's called and had once again , the best cut of beef I've ever had in my life. Pause. Met up with Hools and Jeremy after. Went to this place where shots were 6 for 15 euro. Crazy shots. All the flavors you can ever want. The best part was outside the bar. There were some sick nasty graffiti murals. My fave was this one.Biggie looks real. I wish I had this talent. I want to learn to paint with paint cans with fluid lines and no mistakes. So amazing.

Monday was somewhat successful slash not. I went to do some shopping, bought presents for brobro and the sister which aren't much but I don't know what to get them and then headed to school. I don't remember for what, but I remember selling back my books then heading to Passy to meet Katharine for lunch. Ate at Thé Cool which was AMAZING. Alright, given it's a bit expensive, but it's so fucking classy. Ha. As am I. Bigger Ha. Had the best last lunch with Katharine and we were amazingly full. Yay!
That tasted like Pinkberry in a cake. No lie. Jello like, but delicious. Left her because she had to finish work. I went back to the Marais and continued shopping. Stopped at the Stravinsky fountain. The water was pumping that day. Anyhow, shopping was a continuous fail. However, Katharine met me après, and we walked to Pont des Arts to meet our lovelies for a night on the bridge. Fail. It started pouring so we ran to hide in the Louvre. The rain stopped, we were semi-drunk and ran around the bridge. Katharine kissed and waved to the tourists on bikes while everyone else waved to the bateaux mouches. So. Great. Got hungry so we got some Japanese food. MMMMM. I miss it. Headed to Mazet, met with mad people, said a lot of goodbyes. There were tears, but not from my part. Sad. I can't cry. Headed to the Moose to say good bye to Charlie, my 'first' friend in Paris meaning he was the first person I met going out in Paris. That made me really upset. No crying though.

Today was my absolute last day. Woke up. Met Hools, went shopping in which I failed once again searching for my parents gifts. Met up with Sara, chick from my Ethnography class. Had some coffee with her. Seeing her in August, I hope! Bought mad macarons and left for dinner at Chez Gladines with Liv, Rachel, Oliver and Hools. First time I ever ate salad for dinner. It was the most unhealthy salad of my life. SO GOOD.I don't like jambon de pays though. That shit is hard to eat. Who's with me. Anyhow had a great dinner with them. Said goodbye. So sad! Then went to Stolly's to say bye to Mike. He wasn't there so we just went back to my place. Chilled then said goodbye. I'm going to miss Hools for the two weeks I don't see her. It'll be weird. No doubt. I'm in the process of finalizing my packing. I need to finish. It's 2am and I'm already homesick. Paris feels like home. I'm kind of really upset. I'm afraid of reverse culture shock.

Paris has been so good to me. It's helped me grow as a person, not really in my temper or anger management, but mostly in just relaxing and finding my inner self. I still don't know what I want to be, but now I know what I don't want to be. I know the things I want to do, and I'm setting goals for all of them. Someone told me we all have a destiny. I don't know if I believe this, but maybe it's true. We'll just have to see. Maybe Paris is mine. I really don't want this experience to end. Tomorrow, stateside, I'll be reminiscing on the days I had here and counting down the days until I return. Paris is really a dream. Although I was boyfriend-less slash companion slash best friend-less this semester, I found myself enjoying Paris even more than those who were. It's just something I know I will not have in New York. I'm not ready to go back to that fast paced scheduled lifestyle. No more French creepers hollerin', no more practicing French in my drunken state, no more French language period. No more baguettes, late nights out waiting for the metro to open at 530am, nothing compares to Paris. Absolutely nothing.
Until next time, Paris. À bientôt.

Old Friends, New Friends.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Entire day was normal, going to class and all. My french teacher was insanely ill, yet carried out class. Fuck. Wish she would just cancel a class. Womp. So day was normal, went to the Cité Nationale de l’Histoire de l'Immigration. I thought it was nice despite everyone else's disagreement. Oh well. It was modern fused with classical roman architecture. I don't know. I dig it. Saw the permanent exhibit, thought it was alright, then found out there was an aquarium underneath. What?! I felt like I was 5 years old again. However, we didn't get the chance to go because the group ticket didn't allow us to go in the aquarium. Womp. I plan on going back just to see it.

Anyways, after, I went with my friend Sara to get some coffee, then to class. Now, she's been telling me about her love affair with this man. There's been a situation, extremely surprising, although I can not say, and she's worried. Thing is, she won't stop talking about it. Why won't she stop talking about it? I think it's just something in women that allow them to overly analyze every single action the opposite sex does. I find this somewhat annoying and pathetic. However, I understand these kinds of girls. I'm not one to judge since I've never had a relationship where it got to the point of that. So maybe I'm inexperienced. Who knows. Oh well. Point is, her story made me think of relationships, whether it would be romantic or friendly. There's always some kind of love in relationship right? False. Even in close relationships, say family or 'best friends,' there's only you, and no one else. Everyone is selfish in their own way. No one is absolutely selfless. Who puts you above everyone else? Even if they'd die for you, they're considering their own life before doing it. Always about themselves. Just have to accept it. Don't get too close. You'll only get hurt.

Anyway, had Media Ethnography in a different room. Got lost trying to find it. Ended up in the Mac lab in the basement of Grenelle. Had a final cut pro tutorial from the film head, Mathieu. He's a baller. Taught us basics, stuff I already knew, so I surfed the net. [I learned it in another film class. I wasn't being rude.] Then, second block we watched Control Room. A documentary of America's "War on Terror" through the perspective of the Al Jazeera Media and Press. It was really interesting. Probably one of the best documentaries I've watched. Made me kind of hate my own nationality. Oops. You should watch it. Makes Americans seem ignorant and stupid. But for a good reason.

Then, went home dropped my books and stuff off and headed to The Moose to reunite with a high school friend I haven't seen in about 3 years. Except once, briefly in NYC while she was shopping with her sister. Briefly. So, she got lost, I went to find her and said hello, blahblahblah all that jazz. We grabbed a drink, talking nonstop about what's been going on, what we do in school, how we've grown. Wow. I can't believe it's been so long. I thought she would've known by now what my major was and the things I've been doing. [She's been keeping up with my sister.] But no. Wow. Made me realize I don't know what's going on in ANYONE's life. I'm so out of the loop. Even with my 'close group of friends' at NYU, I don't speak to them at all. No one takes the time to talk to me. Great. Fuck them. Yeah, people have their own lives, but relationships can't be one-sided. I always push, never get anything back. Done. [I had a lot of epiphanies that night]. Made it seem that really, I should be selfish. No one will care for me as much as I care for them. I'll keep my friends close, but never too close. I always share my life with everyone, stranger or best friend, so what do I have to worry about. I don't care if they know my life. They won't bother to even take enough in to remember, so what's the point?

Pause. Wow. Really pessimistic outlook of life.

Thing is, Paris has helped me. I've known these things before but, now I really know. Live for myself, be by myself. People might think otherwise. Well, prove me wrong. Yes, you and your friends probably love hanging out and you call them everyday. Think about the one girl or the one boy in your group of friends that you just seem to ignore. She or he will call you every so often, but you'll never take the time to go find them. Think about that lone person. Did you ever care enough to pay attention? Hmm? Do you think you pay enough attention? I'm not preaching. Really. It may seem like it. It may seem like I'm yelling through my words. I'm not. It's how I write. Everything seems angry. But, I have the right to be. Fuck it. I'll be the lone person. I don't expect anything from anything. They just disappoint me most of the time anyway.

Birthday Anger.

So, it was my friend's birthday today. She turned 20. Thing is, I was a bitch to her all day. Why? Because I hate birthdays. Maybe it's because I wish my birthday was always better. My parents consistently happened to 'forget' my birthday for about 10 years [since the age of 5] and in recent years, either completely forgot my birthday, thought my birthday was on the wrong day, or bought themselves presents without realizing it was in fact, my birthday. Is this selfish? Am I selfish for taking my pent-up anger on my friends? Say yes. Then give me advice. What do I do? Or am I okay for thinking this way? Are birthday's overrated? Went to the Mazet for her birthday. Beer still doesn't taste good. I'm still in love with all bartenders. French men are/will forever be, creepers. Migraines and motion sickness suck.

On a lighter note, I visited the Musée de la Musique today in the 19ieme with my French class. I was late and my teacher continues to passive aggressively hate me. Fail. Said best friend also continues to be flaky. Okay. But, the museum was a blast. I miss orchestra [dork] and classical music. I don't know why. Spanish guitar still gets me everytime. I need a man who will seduce and serenade me with Spanish guitar. Oh, if only. There was also drumming in WATER. The water was THE DRUM. It was baller. I want to learn/be a part of that culture. Pretty sure you can see it on Youtube. Everything's on Youtube. I miss music. Being a part of music. Now I know, music is an important part of my life. Oh joy.

I'm having a creative block. I need to make 2 scripts and 2 videos a shot list and a documentary. All in a month. Alongside that, theres a 5 page German Cinema paper and a 10 page research paper on an idea I have about the personal home as a museum. Si senor. Difficile. Look at me, ma! 3 languages!

I'm thinking about writing everyday until I leave. This will help me remember my stay in detail. I think. It's 2am. What the fuck is wrong with me?