Early Bird.

It's quite early. I've been awake wince 3:30AM. Well, 1:30AM but have been laying in bed, thinking. I think more than I actually do work. If my paper consisted of a thinking portion, I'd beast it. So, it's 5:30AM. I've played brickbreaker and pulled out my Stats homework. Unfortunately, nothing's come of that yet. Just thought I'd write a quick post of the rest of my weekend and what's to come.

On Saturday, my friend planned this reunion so I attended. Unwillingly at first, but I figured why not. Learned a few thing I didn't want to know, things I didn't want to hear, but in the end I didn't have to put on a face. The people I didn't want to interact with, I didn't have to and the people who talked to me held great conversation. I didn't realize how reflective and curious some people were. In high school, everything's about who your friends are, not how they are. I had, well still have some pretty smart friends. I've gotten more into my paper and wanted to tell everyone about it since it hits close to home. I got some interest in it and one thing led to another and it was a full fledged discussion on women. I can't post about it, it'd be too damn long. Needless to say, it was a good time.

The following day, I guess Sunday, yesterday, I headed back to New York. My father told me more about his hardships throughout his life and I always think if I left my family, I could probably work as hard as my father and survive. Sometimes I think it's worth it. That's what I thought about this morning..night. Who knows.

This week ends my internship. Finally! I need to concentrate on school. My paper is due in two weeks and my research isn't even half done. My friends want a reunion and I have so much homework to do/videos to make/internships to apply to/jobs to apply to/finals to study for. I'm sure everyone is the same. However, my attitude may be much worse in the next weeks to come, so heed this warning. Also, I apologize now for any unnecessary anger in the next few weeks, but I'm sure there will be times of necessary venting and frustration.

On another note, I dreamed of Paris again. It was an amazing dream, but I can barely remember it now. Only that it was glorious. It's sad how quickly dreams fade.

Is it really necessary?

So, Thanksgiving weekend! Things to be thankful for, aka everything I have. Things not to be thankful for... ha, easy.

I like how my weekend of almost relaxation turned into this war. She's resorted to name calling. I still think she's immature. I can't even look at her without gagging anymore, she looks ridiculous. My mother's so proud of her. Wow. Go them! You've almost reached your goal. Just find a rich man and have him pay for all of your expenses. Better yet, find an old rich man, you'll feel better after he dies and you have all the money.

God. But I did have a good thanksgiving talking to Austin. I ignored said problem. His parents are in China so I invited him over. I had so much turkey. It was slathered in gravy and it was amazing. Had some roasted potatoes and mashed potatoes and the asian version of Paella amongst many many many other dishes. Needless to say, I was full to the point of explosion. It was glorious. I played Star Wars but didn't get too far, motion sickness. We decided to go Black Friday shopping. Oh yay. It's all a scam but whatever I didn't want to stay at home with those two. So, we went to Austin's in Edison, first played Modern Warfare which I am OBSESSING over. I never found such a fun game. Then we didn't know what to do so we watched Glee. Bon. We headed to pick up a few friends and then off to Target. We got there at 2:30AM it opened at 4AM. Austin got his TV! It's HUGE. I bought a coffee maker. For 3 dollars. Hell yeah! I needed one. Anyway we didn't sleep at all that night. We went to Best Buy and the mall after. I didn't buy anything. Ran into an old friend from high school who moved to Hong Kong and now goes to UVA but is here this weekend for his friend's wedding. Quite an ordeal. People are marrying already?! Shit. I would never. But, I wish them all the happiness in the world.

Got home around 10AM. Didn't sleep for a long time already. Passed out. Woke up at 3 or 4 and now it's 1AM and I can't sleep. I was looking over my materials for my paper. No success. I don't think I can put everything I want into it. Oh well.

Looking to the Future.

So, lately I've been moping. Only because I know that I want to be in Paris working a full-time job , living in my Parisian apartment and chillin with Parisian buddies. Yes, Paris is always on my mind. It's gotten to a point where I am going on fusac (us/french classifieds kind of thing), nyhabitat, and parisattitude almost daily when I'm not researching or studying. It's Friday night and I did absolutely nothing. NCIS and Glee and 30 Rock. That was my night. I needed a night off. Okay. Digression. So, I've found multiple apartments but no job. I went to the Career Fair at Wasserman Center. I found a company who will sponsor my Visa for up to 18 months when I work there. Hopefully, after I get there, I can get a residency card and a permanent working Visa. =) After I get a job. They only sponsor my Visa. First step accomplished.

You know the feeling of wanting something really bad? Like winning the Mega Millions lotto? Yes. I dream about it. But, I've never bought a lottery ticket. Sad. I will when I turn 21. Maybe It'll be my lucky day. Anyway, Paris is something I want. I know my parents don't want me to ever leave the tri-state area as do many parents and their offspring. But I want to bust out and leave and live in Europe. Preferably for the rest of my life. I don't know, New York. You're slacking. I want a different city now. I've only begun my job search and it's already stressing me out. I need to do a hell of a lot of stuff before NYU's career center will even help me find a job. That's a month. Bye internship.

I don't know why I began this post. Probably to reminisce about Paris and how my life will be there. It's a dream right now. But I'm going to get it. I know I will. I'm working my ass off. Hopefully it pays off for something in the future. But as of right now, I have exactly...well give or take a few days 5 months left of my college career (not including winter break). Crazy right? Who would've thought? It's not like college was that enriching or anything. I think Study Abroad at AUP made me a more grounded person. Yea, not you, NYU.

Lots of work to do this weekend. It's my good friend Olivia's birthday this weekend. I don't believe I'll be able to see her because of this crap. It makes me sad. Oh well. It's not like I've missed out on fun before. You have to prioritize right? Merde. That sucks.

Win.

via failblog.org

If I were the manager for this convenience/grocery store, I'd feel really good right now. She/he made my night.

Dream.

via fuckyeahprettyplaces.tumblr

Um, what if this were real? I would want to live there eventually/visit it right away. Oh yeah, it's photomanipulation. By this girl.

Desert.

Sahara by George Steinmetz

Look how gorgeousssss. [Yes it deserves 5 s's.] George Steinmetz flies around the Sahara desert on a little paraglider while taking some of the most beautiful desert photos in the world. Amazing.

From the National Geographic story:

“In the heart of the Sahara, water from rains that fell millennia ago pools in the Waw an Namus volcanic crater. Winds carried black ash from the last eruption 12 miles out across the desert.”

Fezzan, Libya

via pegobry.tumblr.com

Uninterested.

I reread my last post and thought, how childish. I just seem to be ranting about something that doesn't even matter. Well, school and classes do matter, but the latter, meant absolutely nothing. I sounded like a 5 year old who didn't get what she wanted. What a failure in a post.

So being that this is a night off from reading and work (because I'm postponing it until tomorrow) I thought I could write something a little more interesting and less puerile.

Let's talk about love and relationships because it seems to me that people think I really want one or am supposed to have one. If you think about love, the first thing that comes to mind is, man and wife, no? Man and woman, man and man, woman and woman.

Family isn't the first thing you would think of, unless you're 8 years or younger. Neither is anything else you may generally 'love.' It's become a word so useless that we can't even define what it is. So, people implicate that love is something to want, something I should want. First of all, since when is it other people's business if I want love or not? Second of all, let's clarify that I do not want a relationship because of personal reasons. No, I am not a lesbian.

It's possible to love other things, right? I absolutely love my dog. That's love. Affection. Generic. I also love being alone, I love eating good food, I love laughing until I cry. That's love. But how would you describe it? You tell me. Because apparently, relationships and marriage are the only part of love to some shallow small townspeople of the world. Now I'm confused. Can we say love is even important anymore? I personally don't think so. Love [alright, insert seems instead of is] is nothing but a cultivation of what Hollywood and fictions novels have created. People who search for love, who live in the psyche of Hollywood films, are doomed for the rest of their lives. Love isn't the only thing that one looks forward to in life. If you think about it, love comes in many ways - not just relationships and marriage. I think it's nothing more than a societal acceptance that says you are one of them, we accept you as 'normal.' You fell and love and got married. People who get divorced are even worse. They gave in to this theory of 'true love' and 'finding love' but in the end, they didn't love at all.

I've been told I haven't fallen in love. Yes, I haven't. But has anyone? Puppy love and short term high school relationships don't count. I know of one couple from high school who have been together for about 8 years now. I applaud them. But I wonder if they still love each other, maybe they've just gotten comfortable. Secondly, they say I don't know anything about it because I haven't fallen in love. Wrong. I've had feelings yes and I know how it feels to be hurt or never want to upset another person - but no, I've never been in love. It's a word I threw around shamelessly because I didn't know what it was. But, I realized when what we both did didn't coincide and the relationship we had was nothing but a label that gave us some sort of status with each other. Oh, and sexual tension is nothing but Freudian primary instincts of mating and sex. Everyone has these hormones and it's okay. It happens to be natural, but that's a whole other post about the ways of control.

Don't get me wrong, if I ever find a connection with someone and we ever have the idea of getting married, I would. In some sense, I would like to be a part of the married world. Although, I do believe it won't last long. It'll just be something I've done. I know a relationship built on love will come in the long run but me being so young, I don't want to go searching for it. I have my whole life ahead of me and I love living and adventure more than I care to search and be in love. In youth, we shouldn't spend time wasting it on other people who, in the end, will probably leave. I'm not saying don't have a relationship. Go, have one. Just don't focus all your energy on that relationship. Keep it simple, keep it to be something that you'll enjoy at the moment and laugh about in the future.

I've been spinning. This idea of love still ever so confusing and stupid. It makes people depressed, crazy, obsessed, it freaks me out and makes me angry. If I get any discussions over lunch or dinner about love being all about 'finding your other,' I swear I will fight you to the death to prove that you are wrong.

Frustration.

So this post is half good/half bad. Let's start with bad and end on a happier note. So yesterday was registration. I must have jinxed myself in my last post because I got 1 of the 6 classes I wanted to take next semester. It would've been nice to know that I couldn't register for Marketing classes in Stern until next Monday and Tisch's Cinema Studies classes had to have a special code to register. Great. I registered and lo and behold. My first, second, and third choice of Senior Media Seminar was all full - all that was left was African Diaspora and Legacy of Neil Postman. Have you ever read Neil Postman before? I find him dense, bland, and boring. Hell no. Why would they ever make a media seminar after him? Oh wait, he writes articles about media and was a professor at NYU - what, is that enough NYU? Think some more. PR went smoothly, and that was it. I ended up registering for African Diaspora, PR, Advertising (not my field), and Voice lessons for my unrestricted 2 credits. The last 4 credits I believe will end up going to my internship if my terrible luck thinks it's time to take a break. I don't know how things are going to work out. I still want to take Beauty, Body, and Image as my Media Seminar, I'm already researching about it for my politics class.

Anyway, after my tantrum about not ever getting any classes I want at NYU, which is all too completely true, I called Hools and vented for about an hour. I went home to relax and do stats but was too frustrated and tried to sleep. Again, too frustrated so I watched Family Guy and the Cleveland show. They made me laugh. It was good. I went to sleep. Next morning, my film class was canceled (yay)! So I did my Stats hw and got all angry at it. I need extra help. Badly. Maria Garibotti, keep your Thursday open. So I finished, went to Wasserman center for the first time in a long time for the On-Campus Recruitment orientation. Man, Sternies are hardcore. They all came dressed in suits. It was a brief overview of how to sign up to get interviews and stuff. Whatever, done. Ran to Stats. Hesitated to hand in the hw and double checked everything in class. Handed it in at the end. Done. I felt so relieved. There was Bank of America presentation at Wasserman at 5pm though. I originally signed up for it, but I forgot about Stats, so I canceled last minute. I hope they don't ban me. It'd be kinda cool to work for corporate BofA, no?

So, I wanted to get out all this frustration so I went to the gym. NYU should invest in punching bags. No, really. It'd be nice. I had to do the elliptical instead because all the dumb treadmills were taken. I just punched out everything I had. Lifted weights, more than I usually did and I felt a little better. It would've been nicer to have a smoke but, guess what. I quit. So no more smoking and healthier living. I've eaten salad for dinner for almost a week now. I love cobb salad. Love it. Any recommendations for a good place for cobb?

I thought it would be a happy ending, instead it was boring. This was more fun when I was angry.

I do recognize.

I know that my life isn't terrible and what not, but when I want to vent, I write my life is terrible. Think about it, when something's going wrong in your life, it happens to be, that at that moment, everything sucks for you too. So the end. Nothing is past that. I have Kat telling me that I live a very charmed life and my life doesn't suck. Truth. Thank you Kat. It's nice hearing it from other people because when you're frustrated, you tend to stray from actuality.

I had a very nice conversation/brunch with Olivia today at Flea Market Cafe. We had our lovely $14 (including tax and tip) eggs benedict with a coffee and oj. Pretty sweet deal in NY. Anyways, we took turns talking about our schools lives but we really talked a lot about friends and friend situations - how good friends don't make you feel bad, how they're there to tell you how they feel about your situations and try to help you solve them, help you realize that your life really isn't in the shitter. That girl is just like me in some ways and I love that we both understand each other. We both have our rocks to hold onto, too. =)

School is really stressing me out right now. I only have this week and next week to relax before my finals/final papers/final presentations/final videos begin. I need to stop my internship and focus for the last 3 weeks. I know I can do well. I'm also very excited to register tomorrow.. I'm a dork? Yes. I don't know why, but I get this happy feeling after getting all the classes I want. My schedule, if I get it all leads to classes on Monday and Tuesday. The end. Yay! I can focus on getting a paid internship/part-time job that will hire me after I graduate. I hope things start coming together. I've had such an ordeal with the family lately and it keeps bringing me down, attitude and everything and I just want to drop that, not even pay attention to any of it and get to graduating. If all works out, I'll be in Paris in 10 years time. Cross my fingers?

Please Exit.

Dear people who read,

If you find my blog disgusting, hurtful, and shameful, I respectfully ask you to not continue to read and leave this site immediately so you will not be offended/won't have to complain later to someone else. It's your choice to read not mine. Remember that.

Regards,
Psycho Crazybitch.

Change of Pace.

So, apparently I rage a lot. And this is completely true. I guess I always see the bad things in life much more clearer than I see anything good. It's probably because of the way I grew up or the way I was raised. I don't know. Middle child syndrome, people call it. Call it what you want, it's the way I am.

But, I do feel from now on, I will rage less and focus on the better things that have happened and when nothing good happens, I will write about it, but write a disclaimer. Hopefully these posts of rage will become lesser and lesser after 6 months when I graduate. =)

So, starting with this post, I am going to express the good side that I do actually possess, I swear if people read this and didn't know who I am, they'd think I was a suicidal maniac. Alors, today began with sleeping in. It was a very lovely sleep because I never get the chance to sleep in during the week and I only had 3 hours of sleep Wednesday night. So, I slept and slept. Woke up at 9 anyway because my body's used to it. But I went to bed at midnight the night before. Holla.
So I woke up and laid in bed. Isn't it wonderful? You do nothing and it's just great. I reflected. Not very good thoughts, but thoughts nonetheless. After, Kat called and she, Ms Daisy and I headed to Prune. This is going to turn into another review as this food also calls for some kind of praise. (Only with Kat do these things happen. Again catch her blog. She cooks like a fiend and eats the best food in the world. She's a world traveler. No doubt. Anyway, moving on. Prune.

We went just as they opened. Perfect. 1130. No one. Sit down. I was obsessed with the tableware. I love glasses and mugs and weird home goods. It just felt like a French cafe with the antiqued walls and french windows and doors. It also had that wicker on the chairs. Love it. The menus were cute, there weren't many choices but what they had was what Daisy called "cryptic." I agree. Their food choices seemed simple enough but when you read it, "Kerchief pasta with French ham and egg." Cool. How is that made? Pasta cooked with jambón and eggs? Nope. It's a poached egg topped with French ham [kind of like prosciutto but much more difficult to chew] topped off with one thin sheet of pasta [like lasagna but thinner]. The waitress said it was small too. Fail. There was a burger on the menu that Daisy and I craved but she ordered it and we all agreed to share portions. The burger came on an english muffin it says. Wow. To die for. She got it medium-well, but I prefer medium-rare so it was kinda dry after cutting it. But it doesn't even matter. The flavors were amazing, well seasoned and drenched in this green sauce that I don't even know. It also came with french fries, which it didn't list and the fries were amazing. Perfect and crisp. Kat ordered the Grilled Tuna sandwich. The best of our three dishes. Just perfect. The tuna was medium rare and the flavors and the sauce went just so well together. We also dipped it in my sauce which was from the special of the day the eggs sardou. It's a different take of eggs benedict. It's poached eggs on artichoke buttons served with eggplant spears. Quite a small portion, but the hollandaise is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The mix of the hollandaise and the egg yolk because Kat and mine's dipping sauce for our tuna sandwich which was also amazing. She also dipped her sandwich in a side of tabasco glaze - it came as a side with my eggplant spears, I believe. It was tabasco sauce with powdered sugar, you mix it yourself and it becomes this sweet glaze that also goes along with the eggs and artichoke. Just an amazing meal. Didn't quite understand the small menu, but the food that resulted in this cryptic menu was above par.

We plan on returning tomorrow for brunch and regular eggs benedict =)

So after we went to Chikalicious because we craved chocolate. Molten chocolate lava cakes ya'll. Bangin. After Kat and I went to campus and Daisy went to babysit her 'brat' aka 'child of a woman who doesn't look after her own kids'. I ran some errands and Kat overall missed her class. We made her feel better by shopping. Didn't find much. Went into Uniqlo and purchased fleeces for my pops and a nice hoodie for me. Three jackets for 50 bucks. Holla. Headed to Topshop because I've never really been there before. There are so many levels. I should have went downstairs to topman because I know I would've bought something. I have a fetish for mens clothes. They're comfortable and fit well. The end. Don't argue with me.

I went home after and watched the last episode of 30 Rock - "The Problem Solvers." The first episode that made me laugh out loud really hard in a long time. I suggest you watch it. Unless you haven't seen 30 Rock before. You won't get it. In that case, watch all of Season 1, 2, and 3 then 4. Cool. Met up with Kat and Christine after. Brought Christine to a bar and Kat and I finally headed off to watch NY, I Love You. Can I just say, I'm disappointed. I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone, but it was definitely not good. Sorry people, fail fail fail. Paris, Je T'aime's structure is what NY, I Love You should be based on. But, no. They thought because they're so good at moviemaking in Hollywood they can do whatever the hell they want. So they botch the movie. Dislike dislike dislike.

Anyways, saw Soo Young after at Kats. We chilled a bit and now I'm home. Capturing the good times of today. =)

Fin.

College life.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to do well.

The effort I put in doesn't result in any kind of reward. I just feel put down. I walk into something feeling good about it, but then do terribly. I walk into something feeling terrible about it, and still do terribly. I'll never win.

Debbie Downer today, ya'll. My life is not where I want it to be. I wish I could write like a fiend so I'd never have to worry. I wish I could just bullshit my way into a good grade. Too bad I'm not one of those people who get luckier the harder they try. All lies. Where the motivation then? So much work and no reward. Is that it?

I need to graduate so I can put maybe even a bit of my skill to work. I know I'm not an academic kind of person, but I'd like to try and I'd like to be that person. Some girl in my class doesn't do the reading, maybe one or two pages, but can formulate some ridiculous 10 minute response in her head at that moment. My teacher loves her. I read every single page, can't even talk for one minute because I don't know what to ask. The read was good, the read was bad. I didn't understand this, I didn't understand that. This was interesting, this wasn't etc. What do I do? Only some readings really provoke me to respond and when I do, my teacher speaks for most of the class. Great. Never win.

Politics, Stats, and Film are all becoming one big blur of (excuse my language) Fuck You. It's not pleasant and I'm angry already. 9:41AM. Record time. I woke up at 9:00AM. Stupid email.

Joyous Rapture.

I lied. Not exactly joyous rapture and nothing close to it. This is a blog where I aspire to joyous rapture and set goals for myself to have it.

I haven't posted in quite some time well I lied again. Almost a week. It's been quite fun filled with tests, stress, and sickness. Last week during the Ryan Leslie event I got to hang out with the PR and Press-ies of the entertainment world. It seems joyous and attending events such as album presentations, very cool. Some people showed up aka little Cheetah girl, Tyson Beckford, and the best of the now, Kid Cudi. It was fun getting to see them because I didn't know what they looked like in person. I suck at identifying people. Me: "What's your name? Are you on the list?" Them: Um... Boss: "Let them in, Jess." Oh. Oops. I would be good at being a bouncer.

I did what I say terrible on my midterm in film. WTF. I studied like mad and I got a less than average grade. This kills me. Why don't I know how to study? Show me how to do something and I'll remember it forever, but tell me something, I'll forget in ten minutes. It's ridiculous. I hate how my brain works sometimes. Academia is truly not for me. Stats is raping me, film which shouldn't be difficult now requires extra time and effort on projects and final, politics I haven't even researched a topic on my final 20 page paper. Fack. My life is in shambles. It's only Tuesday. I'm stressing.

I shouldn't be writing because I have stats hw to do so I am merely procrastinating. As always. So, I'll talk about the weekend events. Friday was our, finally, Paris reunion. It wasn't as fun-filled as it could possibly be because of certain dramatic events that shouldn't have even occurred but whatever. They happened. Now I have to apologize again because people don't know how I am. Again. I hate having to apologize when I know I haven't done anything wrong. The only way to make things right is if I always apologize. I hate the word "sorry". No one ever seems to truly mean it. I wish I could believe it as easily as other people because it's thrown around so much now. Like, fuck, and cunt. Although if you use it loudly enough it probably means something. Yeah. Nothing is bad or nice anymore. Everything is just the norm.

I went for a walk from 4th st NYU up to 60th and Columbus Circle. It was quite the trek. I did it in 45 minutes. I'm proud of myself. It was a nice walk to stop being drunk from the night before and once again realize that uptown Manhattan is crowded with tourists on the weekend. Lovely.

Nothing in my life is ever interesting anymore. I'm on such a scheduled routine I can't even have time for myself to read or watch a movie. Life sucks right now. Hopefully this hard work pays off in the future or I'll end up shooting myself.

Happier note: French toast again for breakfast/lunch...brunch with Kat. She went to Peter Luger's. I'm jealous. I crave steak.

Another note: Florence tickets are 330 round trip. Where my money. Oh wait, I need a job. Damn it. I do need a job and an internship for next semester and a job in May. Oh lord. It's too fast. I can't breathe or sleep anymore. That means death right? Damn.

November Presents

This month is showering me with gifts of midterms and papers. I adore these things. Lie.

However, I am feeling much better not having to deal with that bug situation anymore. My roommate is great and her pets are great. I'm doing fairly well in school, or so I lead myself to believe, and am a working machine. I run on 2-3 hours a sleep a day and I am exhausted. Winter break looks like a nice month long hibernation for me. Bring on the turkey!

I've been thinking about my future and what I want. NYU clearly doesn't care for those who graduate early because simply, they don't keep track therefore, I am not updated on the on goings of the upcoming graduates of this year. I wasn't informed through NYU about a resume book. I am getting absolutely no job offers unlike my friends who are supposed to be graduating because they're in the resume books. Fail. I have to search out companies and intern for them, then beg for them to take me. Desperation ensues. I met with Universal music company during the FIT expo, which I worked at for The Chamber Group and met a few potential employment opportunities. Most of them were in fashion PR as it was, the Fashion Institute of Technology. I found Universal's booth seated right behind us and I chatted to either Melissa or Melanie (I wish I remembered her name) she recommended that I give her my resume because she thinks I'll do well, plus they have an ongoing business relationship with The Chamber Group. I also found out that even though I call in sick/have meetings/lawyer problems/landlord problems and sometimes miss work, I'm still a top intern. I'm good at what I do. Chyeah. So, I continue talking to her and she asks me about Ryan Leslie's event tomorrow. She represents Ryan Leslie. I planned the event. I get to talk to her tomorrow and give her my resume. I also get to meet Ryan Leslie and tons of music business contacts. It's going to be all business tomorrow. No doubt about it.

My life seems to be on the ups but it's only because I'm working so friggin hard. I don't envy those who don't work this hard to get what they want because then all they know is life is easy. Life isn't easy. You learn. Unfortunately, some people will have to learn later. I am related to one of these people. One is doing significantly better from previous years and the other one is heading down the drain. Unfortunately she, yes, that one, thinks 'whoring herself out'-for the lack of a better term although somewhat relative, will get her somewhere in life. Glass ceiling, bitch. Can't go that far. I wish she would spend more time on academics than she does on her personal image and life. She feels like a disappointment to our family. I see it in my dad. He never gets angry at anyone continuously. I only hear about his disappointment in her. He can't take it anymore. Neither can I. This year will reveal what happens to her future. Poor pops. I don't even know anymore. My life needs to start so he can stop working. She needs to stop living like there's no tomorrow, because there always will be a tomorrow whether you wake up alive or dead.

So, you know that quote "Live each day as if it your last." I'm sure you do. It's bullshit. Of course everyone wants to live each day to the fullest, enjoy life. Free spirits. That'd be nice if our world wasn't so full of responsibility. I grew up in a household that believed education led to a better life, a better life would lead to a better self, and that better self would then be the result of fully living. Feeling whole is living each day. How do you wake up and throw the entire day away being selfish about what you want to do for yourself while not thinking about the consequences for the others around. Life is good. Cherish it. Yes, but it's much better when you enjoy it with the people around you. I find that dumb quote so goddamn selfish. Selfishness isn't a bad thing. It's okay to be selfish sometimes. Note, sometimes. Not all the damn time. Do what's best for you yes, but don't go around thinking you're above everyone else. That's not and will never be true. No one is better than anyone else. Recognize.

So I started happy and ended bitter. Oh well. I just wanted to get some thoughts out. I just see the same thing happening again and again and I watch people grow more immature versus becoming more mature. What is going on with the world? I don't approve.

Oh, one more thing. People need 'me' time. When that time comes, go to a cafe, get some food, bring a book, get a coffee, sit for 2 hours. That's some awesome me time. I highly recommend it, especially at Mud Coffee. Had french toast today. Refer to Kat's blog for a picture. Kat is my food guru. If anyone is ever looking for a hotspot to eat/drink/vacation. She is your go to person. No doubt.

To end, I would like to say that today I will get 7 hours of sleep. I am so freakin' delighted. Good night. Peace and cheese.

What comes with success.

So this weekend was of course, Halloween weekend. I didn't have a costume so..well.. actually I just didn't have a costume at all. That doesn't mean I didn't get in the spirit. Because I was lazy to think of something creative, I bought some face makeup and a black cloak. I wore all black and painted half a skull on my face. Don't think it was some easy shit. Took me an hour on both Friday and Saturday. Yeah, man. I was hardxcore. (I never understood why people put x's in hardcore, from what I hear it makes it more hardcore. But..yeah. I don't know.)

Sidenote: So, I've been a part of halloween for a good 20 years now. Every year, it seems to get sluttier, but the sluttiest ethnic group of people if there ever was an award, goes to the female Asian population-- especially in small towns/those who come from suburbs and small towns. Halloween pictures are posted on facebook up the wazoo the day after, and I find that most of the Asian females tend to wear nothing/almost near nothing. I always say I don't approve because evidence shows okay, lotsa hoes everywhere. It's not okay to prance around in a bra and panties in 60 degree weather on the streets of urbania/suburbia thinking you're hot shit. Halloween is absolutely no excuse to be slutty. If you're slutty on Halloween, you're slutty in general.
So sorry white girls, I lied. Only some of you are Halloween sluts. Asians reign supreme when it comes to sluttiest Halloween costumes. Then it comes the Hispanics then Black folks. (If anyone is offended from black folks, suck it up. I don't care.) For those who have some sense of modesty/creativity to not have to show every inch of your skin on Halloween night, I applaud you.

Storytime:
The weekend started off great. Friday, some friends and I headed up to Stuy-town (which is a complex between First Ave. and Ave. D and 14th-18th street. Really nice apartments. We got lost a bit but finally found it. Such a lovely place, they really went all out. Lots of alcohol and drunks. We all got a bit tipsy but ended up leaving to go hookah/chicha on 4th st. Lots of fun talks and smoking the chich. Yeah, good time. Got home and took an hour and a half shower because well..my hair was teased up and therefore equaled death and my face was oily from paint. I love showers.

Saturday was crazy. Well, yesterday I suppose. I woke up late because I got home late the previous night. Went to Susie's we walked around and went to get some free Chipotle then dressed up to go out. We headed to the BK to her friend's place, Jen, who is AMAZING and her place is AMAZING. Oh wow. I'm moving to Brooklyn. Anyway headed back to Manhattan after the party. Finally found Sophie's. Her roof is also amazing. Didn't get a chance to see her apartment. Some old people called the cops on her soo... byebye party. Wow people, it's Halloween, get over it. So we headed down to Andrei's place. OH MY EFF. The locations just kept getting better as the night went on. His place is HUGE, beautiful, classy. Oh my... if I had 1.5mil laying around that'd be my place, too. Nonstop liquor, party hardy. Drunkards. I approve. Ended the night then headed home. Fidi was empty but after cabbing to Ben&Susie's then walking home on 3rd ave ... it probably took longer than the train would go one stop (Meaning Astor to 14th). Wow. Absolutely ridiculous.

So today was the hungover, let's get brunch day. Headed to Clinton St around 2. Got there around 2:15. The hostess says, I can't seat you because when I do, the kitchen will probably close. Um... excuse me? You close at 5. There isn't a 3 hour wait because there's only 4 couples outside. Say that again. She says: You can get takeout but I can't seat you. WHO DOES THAT? NO ONE in their RIGHT MIND rejects to seat you or fail even put your name on the list. I'm writing an angry letter to Clinton Street and that bitch needs to get fired. So we left angry and still hungry. Headed to Permanent Brunch on 1st Ave between 5th and 6th which we thought would be good because of its name, duh, Permanent Brunch. Got seated right away. Okay. Good. Ordered. Okay. Good. Wait, why does it take 45 minutes to fry 2 eggs, put already made potatoes on a place and a salad. Um, completely messed up Ben's order, Susie's plate was 19 dollars for mediocre shrimp grits. Um, overpriced, slow service and terrible food. My eggs were flat, not fluffy or well scrambled at all, the potatoes were equivalent to a quarter of a potato, unsalted and my greens consisted of about 8 leaves of lettuce. Um, 12 bucks. Ben's order of pancakes soggy, flat, 12 bucks. Susie's small plate of shrimp grits, 19 bucks. Excuse me Permanent Brunch. If you're going to give us overpriced bad food, give us a lot of overpriced bad food. Ben told me the OJ he ordered didn't taste fresh, tasted concentrated, 3 bucks. Their mix up led to a 'goodwill' 3 bucks canceling his 3 dollar orange juice. Overall, that place is a mess, small seating, bad food, bad service. Only good this is their decor which is warm and classic New York with a diner-like feel. This turned into a restaurant critique. Whatever. I don't ever recommend it. I HIGHLY don't recommend it.

Now I'm back in the apartment. Chillin with the cat, doing my work. I'm still frustrated. I can't believe food service can be that terrible. I need coffee. Mud, here I come.