Joyous Rapture.

I lied. Not exactly joyous rapture and nothing close to it. This is a blog where I aspire to joyous rapture and set goals for myself to have it.

I haven't posted in quite some time well I lied again. Almost a week. It's been quite fun filled with tests, stress, and sickness. Last week during the Ryan Leslie event I got to hang out with the PR and Press-ies of the entertainment world. It seems joyous and attending events such as album presentations, very cool. Some people showed up aka little Cheetah girl, Tyson Beckford, and the best of the now, Kid Cudi. It was fun getting to see them because I didn't know what they looked like in person. I suck at identifying people. Me: "What's your name? Are you on the list?" Them: Um... Boss: "Let them in, Jess." Oh. Oops. I would be good at being a bouncer.

I did what I say terrible on my midterm in film. WTF. I studied like mad and I got a less than average grade. This kills me. Why don't I know how to study? Show me how to do something and I'll remember it forever, but tell me something, I'll forget in ten minutes. It's ridiculous. I hate how my brain works sometimes. Academia is truly not for me. Stats is raping me, film which shouldn't be difficult now requires extra time and effort on projects and final, politics I haven't even researched a topic on my final 20 page paper. Fack. My life is in shambles. It's only Tuesday. I'm stressing.

I shouldn't be writing because I have stats hw to do so I am merely procrastinating. As always. So, I'll talk about the weekend events. Friday was our, finally, Paris reunion. It wasn't as fun-filled as it could possibly be because of certain dramatic events that shouldn't have even occurred but whatever. They happened. Now I have to apologize again because people don't know how I am. Again. I hate having to apologize when I know I haven't done anything wrong. The only way to make things right is if I always apologize. I hate the word "sorry". No one ever seems to truly mean it. I wish I could believe it as easily as other people because it's thrown around so much now. Like, fuck, and cunt. Although if you use it loudly enough it probably means something. Yeah. Nothing is bad or nice anymore. Everything is just the norm.

I went for a walk from 4th st NYU up to 60th and Columbus Circle. It was quite the trek. I did it in 45 minutes. I'm proud of myself. It was a nice walk to stop being drunk from the night before and once again realize that uptown Manhattan is crowded with tourists on the weekend. Lovely.

Nothing in my life is ever interesting anymore. I'm on such a scheduled routine I can't even have time for myself to read or watch a movie. Life sucks right now. Hopefully this hard work pays off in the future or I'll end up shooting myself.

Happier note: French toast again for breakfast/lunch...brunch with Kat. She went to Peter Luger's. I'm jealous. I crave steak.

Another note: Florence tickets are 330 round trip. Where my money. Oh wait, I need a job. Damn it. I do need a job and an internship for next semester and a job in May. Oh lord. It's too fast. I can't breathe or sleep anymore. That means death right? Damn.