College life.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to do well.

The effort I put in doesn't result in any kind of reward. I just feel put down. I walk into something feeling good about it, but then do terribly. I walk into something feeling terrible about it, and still do terribly. I'll never win.

Debbie Downer today, ya'll. My life is not where I want it to be. I wish I could write like a fiend so I'd never have to worry. I wish I could just bullshit my way into a good grade. Too bad I'm not one of those people who get luckier the harder they try. All lies. Where the motivation then? So much work and no reward. Is that it?

I need to graduate so I can put maybe even a bit of my skill to work. I know I'm not an academic kind of person, but I'd like to try and I'd like to be that person. Some girl in my class doesn't do the reading, maybe one or two pages, but can formulate some ridiculous 10 minute response in her head at that moment. My teacher loves her. I read every single page, can't even talk for one minute because I don't know what to ask. The read was good, the read was bad. I didn't understand this, I didn't understand that. This was interesting, this wasn't etc. What do I do? Only some readings really provoke me to respond and when I do, my teacher speaks for most of the class. Great. Never win.

Politics, Stats, and Film are all becoming one big blur of (excuse my language) Fuck You. It's not pleasant and I'm angry already. 9:41AM. Record time. I woke up at 9:00AM. Stupid email.