Happy and Broke.

This weekend and day has been fucking crazy. Can I tell you? Can I? Okay. So Monday was a success, I believe. That was yesterday. I don't even remember. Wait, I went to the school for some greasy Pizza Hut provided by the NYU at AUP counseler, Aaron Murray Nellis. Oh joy. First and last time I will ever meet slash talk to him. Va bene. Ran to Grenelle to talk to Hools, oh how I miss her, then ran home to edit Ethnography video. So, no lie, got home around 4PM and did not finish editing until 7AM. Can you imagine my night? I didn't chug anything to stay awake until 5AM when I decided to have a coffee which ended up as a fail because I fell asleep somewhere in between 7AM and 8AM. Fucking coffee does NOT work.

Groupmate Sara called me around 10:40AM to see how the project was going. Good thing she called otherwise I'd be fucked. Had a final today at noon and I still had to shower and burn the movie onto a dvd and write up my part in the paper and do last minute edits and prepare for my museum final. FUCK. Took the fastest shower of my life. Decided to bring my computer and ran out the door. Wrote up some ideas on the metro on the way to the final, which was the only preparation I had. Mind you, I get terrible motion sickness and the metro does not make it better by swaying side to side. Made it just in time before the proctor closed the door for the exam. Success. Finished in about an hour. I'd like to say it was a success as well. I'm crossing my fingers. Then headed out to finish the paper and edits for Ethnography. Finished in half an hour. Went to Tribeca on Rue Cler avec Mitchell, Olivia, and Sofia. First time I ate there. Food was pretty good. I usually only take a coffee there. So, burned the dvd during that time then met with my groupmates at Café Central for another coffee. Screened the movie with them and then explained that I would like to receive credit and more percentage on the video because I edited/directed/did a lot of shit for the video. They said nothing, so buena. This was the first time one girl in my group watched it while it was a second time for the other two. Imagine. They watched it for the first time the day it was due. Just sayin.

Went to the teacher to explain the situation as I told my groupmates. He refused to listen to me and give a girl mad props in the group for the video after she barely did anything. Alright. Couldn't do anything about that. Fuck him. He decided we would talk after class and sort it out. It didn't go so well. Some girls are just passive aggressive angry bitches. Say what's on your mind so I know. Really. I don't care if you wanna rag about it. Just say it. Not difficult. Anyway came up with a consensus, well kinda, for percentage distribution and I'm happy because mine is based of the video, which he, LOVED. So, HAPPY. It was 9 minutes short but he even said 10 and a half minutes was too long. So woot. Talked with Sara after, over a coffee and Tribeca again, about the discussion with teacher. She's not happy. We're going to the teacher Friday. Alright.

Headed off to dinner. Met Faustyna at La Motte Picquet [it's her birthday today!] and went to Chez Gladines in the 13th for some amazing food. It was a dinner slash birthday dinner. All good. I ordered Poulet Basquaise which is some southern chicken [not fried] with massive potatoes. Best potatoes of my life. Really. Janelle got confit de canard which looked yummy, Kat, a big ass silver bowl of salad with almost everything in it, and Faustyna, cassoulet. Her fave. Also had some great Sangria and Crème Caramel with a café for dessert, Faustyna took chocolate mousse instead. All of this for 30 euros. I paid for me and Faustyna for her birthday. Kat threw down too. Pretty amazing. Went to help Kat film for a while next to the Pont d'Austerlitz and then the Bastille. Lots of creepy fucks. Little did I know after they leave for home two creepy ass men would approach me. Asked for my number. Said I was leaving. They didn't care. Great. Gave them some random ass number. Nice. Can't wait to see them call it.

Now I'm home, editing another video for Mr. Julien Guerif and his take home test. Hate this video. I don't really care about it. I kind wanna show my documentary for his class. FAILFAILFAIL. I have a French final on Thursday which I'm not studying for, and German cinema on Friday of which I know nothing about. Thursday is the last time our large group will ever go to Mix club. This weekend is my last weekend in Paris. I don't really wanna think about it. I plan on seeing all my French friends, go to Versailles, hit up all the bars of which I know the bartenders, and go to all the parks that I have not been to. All in less than a week. What do I do? Reverse culture shock when I go home. It's going to be the death of me. The thing I'll probably miss the most is being able to have some wine/beer with dinner and a cocktail after. It really helps my digestion. Nahmean. I became very open to talking about taking a two after meeting Katharine. As she describes it, "the purest form of relief." Think about it. How good do you feel after? Just saying.

It's 11:20PM. Great. Why must I always wait for last minute? Oh, wait. Because I don't care about school. Ha.

Clear Pavements

You ever notice when its raining how glossy and reflective the tar on the ground gets? You can see up when looking down. It rained it Paris today. I really liked it even though it was cold and wet, two things I do not like. Don't know why. Just in the mood for a rainy day.

It's Katherine's birthday. Yay! Mine is coming soon, hitting the 20s. Wow. It may seem young to a lot of people, but for a 19 year old, there are no longer 1's in front of the last number. Beginning of adulthood.

Anyhow last week was uneventful, lots of paper writing. Finished them, but not satisfied with either. Really, this study abroad thing has done terrible things to my writing skills. Went to Canal St. Martin and a little square by it last week with Katherine. Gorgeous. I love Paris. Can I tell you? Have I told you?

That's it. Why is Paris so amazing to me? She wants me to succeed. Know why Paris is a she? Because she has a bad week of the month. Every month.

Last weekend was World's Fair, can't say anything about it because I didn't go. Womp. Was writing my paper. Nothing eventful as far as going out last weekend, but Sunday we went to Auvers-sur-Oise and Giverny for a museum class trip. I really didn't want to go. But, it was really beautiful. Went to see where Van Gogh died, places he painted and his grave. Then we went to Monet's gardens and house, saw some places where he painted his pictures, and also his grave.

So, the pictures won't load. So no pictures for today. Success! Today it works.
Monet's gardens. Gorgeous as usual.

Probably my favorite picture of the trip. I have about 150 pictures. I think two will suffice. Ha.

This week is starting off pretty well. No class tomorrow. Score. Boy? Questionable. Katherine's birthday outing. Done. Excited, a little. Oh, and most importantly grocery shopping.

Trying to make a documentary. Hopelessly failing.

Girls Night.

So, it's been a while since I've posted. Nothing new. Just fun, really.

Learned that I cannot take annoying people at all when hot [like sweating, hot], stressed, or just really, in general. Also learned that I am a complete and utter bitch. As well as the fact that I like to blind myself from the truth, a lot in my life.

Anyhow, good news. This weekend was overall a success. Saturday hung out with Hoolie and Iwan and Manuel. Good night. I think I have to call him Friday. Sunday had an another amazing excursion of food with Hoolie at Tricotin in Chinatown. Did some food shopping. Success! Monday, had hookah with Liv and Faustyna [finally]. It was a great night. A hookah, and 3 pots of mint tea for 10 euros? Fabulous. Tuesday, went to Moose for Mike's last night although it was pretty boring. Womp. Got to chat with my ladies and met Liv's friend. I've already forgotten his name. Oh well. Today is Wednesday. Met Faustyna for lunch at 12. Had Gyros at the Invalides park. Took the bus to Hotel de Ville. Failed at vintage shopping. Ran into Charlie, realized how much of an asshole he is. Got ice cream. Succeeded in mainstream shopping then went home. Found that I am going to die this weekend because of the Giverny trip. Didn't get any work done. Got a call from Kat. Going to dinner with the ladies! Tex-Mex for dinner in the Bastille, Amorino gelato for dessert, jammage and chillage at mi casa or rather, mon appartement. So great. Love the ladies because they know my kind of music and understand my obsession. Never had this kind of connection before. Through music and appreciation of black people, I mean.

I don't mean to force music on people, I understand and accept your stylings, but doesn't mean I have to like it. All I ask is that you try to feel the emotion in the songs I'm asking you to hear. Soul music. Even gospel music. Even though it's about God, I'm not exactly a firm believer in religion, but the music draws me in. Really. Listen and feel it. I don't know. Something about their passion makes me want to sing.

Now it's 1am. Haven't finished my German paper, haven't started my 10pg museum research paper, haven't written my 3pg film review for Ilha das Floras, haven't read for our in class test, haven't written my hw for French. Epic fail.

Success in life, fail in school. I guess there's a balance for everything. But I feel there's more fail than success. My life sucks sometimes.

A Typical Thursday

Well, I guess it's not so typical. My alarm clock refused to wake me up, once again. Fail. Missed 50 minutes of French. Fail. Slipped and fell in the shower. Fail. My landlord proceeded to enter just as I was about to walk out of the bathroom after showering. Fail. Paid 950 euros worth of rent. Fail. Overall, bad morning.

After French, Kat and I went to SNCF [a travel agency, I guess you can call it], picked up a carte 12-25, picked up my tickets for Saint Malo, and proceeded to Grenelle. Talked to Mathieu, the head of the film department [I think?] explained a situation, he let us take the camera out over Easter weekend. Success! Went to Amex. Wrote my Ethnography review for "Control Room," had a sandwich, headed to museum class. The museum was Musée de Quai Branly. Pretty cool. Modern and just really lacked any kind of French appeal. Made me feel like I was in the states again. Saw some traditional garb and figurines/statues, and left early. EXTREMELY early. Some people in my class show no interest in museums, but I do. I didn't want to jump on the bandwagon, but this chick was pushing me, so I left. Ugh. Never give in peer pressure. One rule in life. Had a coffee, had some cigarettes, headed to class.

In Ethnography, we watched some films, the first being Ihla de las Floras, I believe. Chaotic. I loved it. Second film was made by some guy...who was a guest speaker at our class.. don't know his name, nor the name of the film. Great film though. Moving. I was into it. Wanted to chat with him, he seemed awkward and my professor was with him, so I passed. I'm gonna regret this. It's okay. Anyhow, ran to Amex to find Sofia once again hyperventilating about something unimportant and Bree ignoring. Took the subway home. Took off my jacket today! It's beautiful outside. I never want to leave Paris if this weather keeps up.

Going to meet a girl I knew back in high school. Have to wake up at 5am tomorrow. I hope my alarm goes off this time. Pictures and Updates. As always.

Old Friends, New Friends.

Yesterday was an interesting day. Entire day was normal, going to class and all. My french teacher was insanely ill, yet carried out class. Fuck. Wish she would just cancel a class. Womp. So day was normal, went to the Cité Nationale de l’Histoire de l'Immigration. I thought it was nice despite everyone else's disagreement. Oh well. It was modern fused with classical roman architecture. I don't know. I dig it. Saw the permanent exhibit, thought it was alright, then found out there was an aquarium underneath. What?! I felt like I was 5 years old again. However, we didn't get the chance to go because the group ticket didn't allow us to go in the aquarium. Womp. I plan on going back just to see it.

Anyways, after, I went with my friend Sara to get some coffee, then to class. Now, she's been telling me about her love affair with this man. There's been a situation, extremely surprising, although I can not say, and she's worried. Thing is, she won't stop talking about it. Why won't she stop talking about it? I think it's just something in women that allow them to overly analyze every single action the opposite sex does. I find this somewhat annoying and pathetic. However, I understand these kinds of girls. I'm not one to judge since I've never had a relationship where it got to the point of that. So maybe I'm inexperienced. Who knows. Oh well. Point is, her story made me think of relationships, whether it would be romantic or friendly. There's always some kind of love in relationship right? False. Even in close relationships, say family or 'best friends,' there's only you, and no one else. Everyone is selfish in their own way. No one is absolutely selfless. Who puts you above everyone else? Even if they'd die for you, they're considering their own life before doing it. Always about themselves. Just have to accept it. Don't get too close. You'll only get hurt.

Anyway, had Media Ethnography in a different room. Got lost trying to find it. Ended up in the Mac lab in the basement of Grenelle. Had a final cut pro tutorial from the film head, Mathieu. He's a baller. Taught us basics, stuff I already knew, so I surfed the net. [I learned it in another film class. I wasn't being rude.] Then, second block we watched Control Room. A documentary of America's "War on Terror" through the perspective of the Al Jazeera Media and Press. It was really interesting. Probably one of the best documentaries I've watched. Made me kind of hate my own nationality. Oops. You should watch it. Makes Americans seem ignorant and stupid. But for a good reason.

Then, went home dropped my books and stuff off and headed to The Moose to reunite with a high school friend I haven't seen in about 3 years. Except once, briefly in NYC while she was shopping with her sister. Briefly. So, she got lost, I went to find her and said hello, blahblahblah all that jazz. We grabbed a drink, talking nonstop about what's been going on, what we do in school, how we've grown. Wow. I can't believe it's been so long. I thought she would've known by now what my major was and the things I've been doing. [She's been keeping up with my sister.] But no. Wow. Made me realize I don't know what's going on in ANYONE's life. I'm so out of the loop. Even with my 'close group of friends' at NYU, I don't speak to them at all. No one takes the time to talk to me. Great. Fuck them. Yeah, people have their own lives, but relationships can't be one-sided. I always push, never get anything back. Done. [I had a lot of epiphanies that night]. Made it seem that really, I should be selfish. No one will care for me as much as I care for them. I'll keep my friends close, but never too close. I always share my life with everyone, stranger or best friend, so what do I have to worry about. I don't care if they know my life. They won't bother to even take enough in to remember, so what's the point?

Pause. Wow. Really pessimistic outlook of life.

Thing is, Paris has helped me. I've known these things before but, now I really know. Live for myself, be by myself. People might think otherwise. Well, prove me wrong. Yes, you and your friends probably love hanging out and you call them everyday. Think about the one girl or the one boy in your group of friends that you just seem to ignore. She or he will call you every so often, but you'll never take the time to go find them. Think about that lone person. Did you ever care enough to pay attention? Hmm? Do you think you pay enough attention? I'm not preaching. Really. It may seem like it. It may seem like I'm yelling through my words. I'm not. It's how I write. Everything seems angry. But, I have the right to be. Fuck it. I'll be the lone person. I don't expect anything from anything. They just disappoint me most of the time anyway.

The falling out.

So, after vacation for two weeks with my "best friend", she begins to ignore me. I don't understand why while my friend from home begins, or rather, continues to flake out on me, and my gay friend has disappeared. What do I do? Schoolwork is beginning to pile because I haven't done any since I've gotten here, and my funds are extremely low. Why do I make terrible choices? So this girl is a big problem because I don't know what I've done wrong. Her best friend from home visits, and not wanting to upset her, I wait till she leaves before I confront her. Her answer is 'nothing, I just don't feel like going out too much, I'm short on money, I thought you'd get the wrong idea' whilst she continues to go out everyday and spend mad cash. Alright. She's angry, she won't tell me, I'll leave it be. Don't want any high school drama in my life. Few days later, her best gay friend pisses her off, and me wanting to talk to him to be a good friend to both of them, gets pushed and harassed by this boy and ends up getting on her good side. What the fuck? Messed up. I ignore her. She gets angry and posts passive aggressive facebook status'. Alright, I try to be nice for the sake of it. I've found new friends to hang out with, ones I've had but have been distant from because this girl's been dragging me everywhere.

Julia, Silvie, Olivia, and Sofia have been my chill buddies. Julia's boyfriend is mad chill and they're just great friends to me now, overall. I regret not seeing her more often. Anyhow, this is really all over the place. Since we've gotten back, I've been doing most of the work for my Ethnography project which is pissing me off because I know I hate working in large groups because of the uneven work distribution yet I allowed this to happen. Fuck. I've had papers due, a sickness that I'm still trying to get over [I think it's a reoccurring bronchitis], a 10 page research paper I need to get started on, two 10-minute videos for video production class, and the 20 minute documentary for Ethnography. Fuck my life. It's not difficult, but it's a lot. I hate bullshit work.

On another note, my old roommate, Mimi and my friend Molly visited from Florence. I gave then a huge tour of Paris, although I never really thought about meals, and went out every night. They had a good time, as did I. Although after I left, I realized how much I liked to be alone. Haha. Oops. I have this problem with people. I don't think I could even maintain a relationship with a man or ever get married. Hmm. Friends are okay. I don't see them every day.

So it's daylight savings time in Paris. One hour ahead. Shit. Lost an hour. Slept over Julia and Jeremy's last night. Had good Chinese food today in Chinatown and found soy sauce for cooking. Baller. And lost 2 from writing these posts. What do I do? Oh well. I don't know what else to write except I can't stop thinking about one thing. Fuck my life. And it's not sex. Thanks. Off to do homework, or attempt to.