One of the best.

So Tuesday was one of the best birthdays of my life. Why? People seemed to care and REMEMBER my birthday. Ha. Yes, the attention whore part of me was fulfilled for the jour. My mother and father usually forget my birthday, but not this year. I went to my internship and they threw me a lovely birthday party and gave me a one of a kind Norma Jean tee. I was even just happy they said Happy Birthday, much less a celebration with candles and cupcakes. Just so you know, I blew out candles 3 times on my birthday, which is more than I've ever done in my previous ones. I met up with my old roommate, Mimi, who I met in the West Village for some Yogurtland and Marc by Marc Jacobs shopping. Yogurtland was as always, delicioso, and Marc Jacobs was fabulous in terms of new things since the last time I went. In December. She bought me a new wallet, which was really sweet of her. She'll be here next week all week for tech rehearsal. She's in an Opera! I wish I were in a show. I miss shows.

After internship, I skipped class and met Soo at an Italian restaurant in the East Village, I believe it was called Paprika. St Marks between 1st and A. I highly recommend it. We got some Pinot Grigio and I got Mozza and Tomates as an appetizer and Grilled Salmon avec Epinards with a citrus sauce/dressing. Yummy. For 22 dollars. Soo got a salad with Pears and Goat Cheese to start with then Gnocchi which I highly approve of. Anything potato will sit well with me. Haa. That was a lovely, lovely birthday dinner. Then after, I headed to Serendipity for dessert. Got Faustyna along the way then rode the train uppity up to 59th and Lex. Got to Serendipity and there was, alas, a 40 minute wait. As expected. By the time everyone came, it was time to go in and sit and eat. Everyone, except Daniel ordered a large chocolate-y dessert, and Faustyna got a cheesecake. I then opened presents and got the best presents EVER. Spa certificate, a new dress, and an ESPRESSO MAKER. Props to Gwen for remembering what I wanted from Bed Bath and Beyond. I'm going to wake up Saturday, make an espresso, then go get a facial with my Spa certificate. Va bene!

After dessert we chilled at my place, had some terrible beer. Note to self, never drink Fosters again. Then headed to Robs to chill on the roof. I love his roof. I'm jealous. All the time.

All in all, a great day with good company.

Another Year.

So, in about 26 minutes I will have hit my 20 year mark. What have I accomplished in my life?

• Traveled to Paris
• Made new friends
• Lost bad friends
• Became more cultured
• Bought 200 pairs of shoes [I kid. Well, kinda.]
• Finished almost 3 years of college.
• Learned French
• Got multiple internships.
  

I'd say that's a decent list. Except it's not much. What can I do? I can't have the world now, can I? What I do want are material things. A new camera [I've been looking at that Nikon XLR or that Canon EOS and I need to save up, a nice pair of Louis Boots or a purse, an Hermes purse, a nice French boyfriend [not so material], a nice apartment, travel around the world, graduate next year, a decently payed job that I actually like, a chance to be a bartender, and lots of other things. Just goes to show how greedy I am. Thing is, I need to focus. I need to fulfill my material needs so I can therefore, after, be selfless. Make sense? I don't want everything in the world, just some nice things and then live in a small country home somewhere in Brittany, France and be done with it.

Oh man, my mind wanders. Anyhow, I just hope next year will be better than the last. Although I had a great time and I want to cherish that Paris experience forever, the rest of the year was pretty terrible. I never seem to have luck in life, I hate that for some people things just happen. I hate that I have to work twice, maybe thrice as hard as others. I know this builds character, but I'm just getting so exhausted doing this my entire life. Other people have good luck spurts, but I don't seem to, or am I not seeing it? I have a great family to provide me to do as I wish, experience things they didn't, I guess I'm lucky in that way. But when I'm alone, independent, I mean, what happens then? I don't want to fall back onto my father's good life forever. I want to make something of myself. I'm not a whore in any way. I can't put myself out there for people to meet me [in a professional manner], I can't put myself out even in the slutty easy to get way [kinda like my sister. ha.], I have too much pride, which is a sin. I need resolutions and someone to guide me.

Not God. No. I will not believe in religion, it's not what I want to choose. I need someone I can look up to and teach me things. So far, the ones I've chosen in the past have either let me down or end up being the most selfish people in the world. I really hope I don't become like that.

20 minutes. I want to escape to a new destination every weekend. I don't care if its the Bahamas, Maine, Canada, anywhere. I know I can't afford anything so this will all have to wait. My sister's been spending like a fiend on guess what, material things. I wish she would grow up and take responsibility. I'm graduating when she graduates and she's a year older than me. Sometimes I feel like the bigger sister. I just want to live my life. I don't want to be a part of society anymore. Best thing that could happen is if I win the lottery. Ha. I don't play the lottery. But, hypothetically speaking, if I did. I'd hop on a plane to Paris. Find a bartending job and a small apartment and preferably live there until I got bored of the city and move to a small French town, possibly Aix-en-Provence or Bordeaux or somewhere in the Loire Valley or Perpignan, I don't know. I'm getting ahead of myself. And there, I would live the rest of my life, possibly married with kids [yes, I said multiple] and a few dogs.

I think my entire [theoretical] life just flashed before my eyes. I hope my current internship gets better. I hope he starts to pay me. I hope I can find clients for him so I can make some commission and begin this savings for the rest of my life. I hope I can learn to like this internship.

15 minutes.

Fuck.

Allergy Season.

So, last Wednesday night, we went out for Katherine's birthday. Somewhere in the 13th, mad good. Had about a 3 hour dinner and just bonded with the ladies. My kind of dinner. Then we headed home. I did some movie work and passed the fuck out.

Thing is, that movie I worked so hard on, was terrible. My teacher didn't like it at all, sooooo therefore, I must start once again. FUCK MY LIFE. So I will be working on that forever. French class was cancelled due the death of a friend of the teachers. May she rest in peace. Also reworking my museum paper because I was so unsatisfied with the one I turned in. So happy Julie gave me an extension. Thursday was uneventful, I went home and worked on my paper a bit. Met Iwan for some dranks in the Bastille then did some more work then passed the fuck out. I don't know why I've been so tired lately. Really. It's killing me.

Then yesterday, Friday, was the fête du travail which occurs May 1st every year in France. It's a day where everyone has off work, because literal translation would be, celebration of work, so they celebrate by not going to work. Nahmean? Thing is, I had to shoot my film at Luxembourg. And at Luxembourg mad protestors were outside, in french, a manifestation. So I was thinking, why the fuck do people take the day off of work to go fucking protest. On holidays people are supposed to relax and here you are, ya frenchies, off of work, protesting about work. Oh joy. So exciting. Kill me. So lotsa cops, the streets were closed down and we couldn't catch a bus to shoot in the next location next to the gardens. Supposed to meet Timmy at 2:00pm originally, then pushed it to 2:30, didn't see him until 3:45. FACK. I know he was angry. I would've been. Just sit there and waited. What the fuck. Really, fucking protestors and mad tourists. Tourist season has most definitely began. All in all, a great day of shooting I'd like to say. I wanted to start editing but the cord Mathieu gave me doesn't WORK. A little angry at that. Need to film Monday and Tuesday though. Wakka. Hope the weather follows through.

So last night Faustyna and I were supposed to go on an epic journey beginning with strawberry mojitos. Unfortunately it was a fail because I suck at life. We ended up going to a place in the 3ieme and had some green [HA], then headed for a bar while stopping by ice cream on the way. =) YES. Love Amorino. Will be the death of me. So, we went to Stolly's a bar next to Saint-Paul in the Marais. Really crowded, really chill. Went to see Mike. Miss that man. Chillinin with the Fausty then headed home. Got some food and got hit on by multiple skank ass men. Fucking assholes. So we went home and watched a movie. I fell asleep. Shameful.

So, Fausty just left about half hour ago to Giverny because she liked my pictures and wanted to see it for herself. =) Haha. So, I'm here not knowing what to do. I think I'll hit up Soo-Young. No doubt. Oh another thing. It is Saturday morning. I'm not usually up this early. What is this? My sleeping pattern is so fucking weird. Katherine gets back today. We're gonna celebrate her birthday. Shitshow extravaganza. So. Excited.

Just realized it's May. Time really flies. I'm so sad that I have to leave. I need to live here for a few years. One day. I'm not gonna see half of these people ever again. What do I do?! I love new friends! I can't believe one semester goes by so so quickly. I wish I could stay through graduation. Haha. It's officially May 2nd. 18 days to go. New York bound. I'm going to cry when I leave and I don't usually cry. I just know it. Ugh. Need to live it up. Really. Live. It. Up.

Clear Pavements

You ever notice when its raining how glossy and reflective the tar on the ground gets? You can see up when looking down. It rained it Paris today. I really liked it even though it was cold and wet, two things I do not like. Don't know why. Just in the mood for a rainy day.

It's Katherine's birthday. Yay! Mine is coming soon, hitting the 20s. Wow. It may seem young to a lot of people, but for a 19 year old, there are no longer 1's in front of the last number. Beginning of adulthood.

Anyhow last week was uneventful, lots of paper writing. Finished them, but not satisfied with either. Really, this study abroad thing has done terrible things to my writing skills. Went to Canal St. Martin and a little square by it last week with Katherine. Gorgeous. I love Paris. Can I tell you? Have I told you?

That's it. Why is Paris so amazing to me? She wants me to succeed. Know why Paris is a she? Because she has a bad week of the month. Every month.

Last weekend was World's Fair, can't say anything about it because I didn't go. Womp. Was writing my paper. Nothing eventful as far as going out last weekend, but Sunday we went to Auvers-sur-Oise and Giverny for a museum class trip. I really didn't want to go. But, it was really beautiful. Went to see where Van Gogh died, places he painted and his grave. Then we went to Monet's gardens and house, saw some places where he painted his pictures, and also his grave.

So, the pictures won't load. So no pictures for today. Success! Today it works.
Monet's gardens. Gorgeous as usual.

Probably my favorite picture of the trip. I have about 150 pictures. I think two will suffice. Ha.

This week is starting off pretty well. No class tomorrow. Score. Boy? Questionable. Katherine's birthday outing. Done. Excited, a little. Oh, and most importantly grocery shopping.

Trying to make a documentary. Hopelessly failing.

Where is it going?

So, this weekend entailed some filming, a birthday party, and going to the same bar. 3 days in a row. Merde de vie. It's not fun when people start thinking you're an alcoholic, or when you think of yourself as an alcoholic. Womp.

So, Friday I met up with Julia for lunch. Went with her to get her eyebrows did in the 9th I think, and then went home to do work. Fail. Didn't get any work done. Waited to go out that night. Ended up going to a bar with Sofia and her boy, playing third wheel. Fail. Stayed til late I think. Don't remember much. Fail.

Saturday was a bit better. Woke up to the sun shining, although it was like 12:30ish. Oops. Met up with Sofia and Julia. Did filming. Found a store near my apartment with 5-10 euro shoes. Yay! Went to Jardin des Plants for an hour to film. Really nice day. Wanted to stay, but couldn't. Had Mcdonalds for the first time in a long ass time, and went home to do work which ended up as a fail. I never get any work done. After, got a call from Tamer, seeing if I was going to Yann's birthday party. I thought about it, said yes and asked him to call me when he left. We were extremely late. Got to the party around 10. Best time of my life. Met lots of new french people, mind you, this was a gay man's birthday party and most of them ranged from 25-40. I felt a little intimidated, but after a few drinks, everything went smooooth. I enjoyed my time. Got the hookup for an internship, j'espere. Met lots of gay men and practiced my french. It was all in all, a great time. However, I texted a friend, hoping to invite him to the party. Said he was working late, so I decided to join him at the bar. My friends were there too, of course, but I don't know. Something prompted me to go. Got there, saw people for like 10 minutes, they peaced and I was left with Sofia. Ran into Maeve. Sofia wanted to go home so she did. Maeve was drunk as the day was gone and I tried to take care of her. We left, but she wanted to go back to talk to another bartender. Fail. I tried to talk to the bartender for her to no avail. He's not interested, I sounded like a dumbass. Worst part of my night. Told him I had to go so she had to get walked home, but didn't leave. Ha. I wonder if I was making sense. Sat back down to have another beer and a shot of whisky. Must've been my 12th drink. Trying to stay sober, again, fail. Don't remember what I said to said bartender and a friend, Phillipe. Merde de vie. Left as they were locking the door, felt embarrased. Walked to Saint-Michel, got hit on by 3 men who tried to kiss me. Punch. Run. Got on the metro. Home at 730.

Sunday, woke up around noon. Bad hangover, tried to do work. Didn't get any done. Monday morning. Leaving in 10 minutes for class, accomplished nothing this weekend. Fail.

Birthday Anger.

So, it was my friend's birthday today. She turned 20. Thing is, I was a bitch to her all day. Why? Because I hate birthdays. Maybe it's because I wish my birthday was always better. My parents consistently happened to 'forget' my birthday for about 10 years [since the age of 5] and in recent years, either completely forgot my birthday, thought my birthday was on the wrong day, or bought themselves presents without realizing it was in fact, my birthday. Is this selfish? Am I selfish for taking my pent-up anger on my friends? Say yes. Then give me advice. What do I do? Or am I okay for thinking this way? Are birthday's overrated? Went to the Mazet for her birthday. Beer still doesn't taste good. I'm still in love with all bartenders. French men are/will forever be, creepers. Migraines and motion sickness suck.

On a lighter note, I visited the Musée de la Musique today in the 19ieme with my French class. I was late and my teacher continues to passive aggressively hate me. Fail. Said best friend also continues to be flaky. Okay. But, the museum was a blast. I miss orchestra [dork] and classical music. I don't know why. Spanish guitar still gets me everytime. I need a man who will seduce and serenade me with Spanish guitar. Oh, if only. There was also drumming in WATER. The water was THE DRUM. It was baller. I want to learn/be a part of that culture. Pretty sure you can see it on Youtube. Everything's on Youtube. I miss music. Being a part of music. Now I know, music is an important part of my life. Oh joy.

I'm having a creative block. I need to make 2 scripts and 2 videos a shot list and a documentary. All in a month. Alongside that, theres a 5 page German Cinema paper and a 10 page research paper on an idea I have about the personal home as a museum. Si senor. Difficile. Look at me, ma! 3 languages!

I'm thinking about writing everyday until I leave. This will help me remember my stay in detail. I think. It's 2am. What the fuck is wrong with me?