Yesterday was an interesting day. Entire day was normal, going to class and all. My french teacher was insanely ill, yet carried out class. Fuck. Wish she would just cancel a class. Womp. So day was normal, went to the Cité Nationale de l’Histoire de l'Immigration. I thought it was nice despite everyone else's disagreement. Oh well. It was modern fused with classical roman architecture. I don't know. I dig it. Saw the permanent exhibit, thought it was alright, then found out there was an aquarium underneath. What?! I felt like I was 5 years old again. However, we didn't get the chance to go because the group ticket didn't allow us to go in the aquarium. Womp. I plan on going back just to see it.
Anyways, after, I went with my friend Sara to get some coffee, then to class. Now, she's been telling me about her love affair with this man. There's been a situation, extremely surprising, although I can not say, and she's worried. Thing is, she won't stop talking about it. Why won't she stop talking about it? I think it's just something in women that allow them to overly analyze every single action the opposite sex does. I find this somewhat annoying and pathetic. However, I understand these kinds of girls. I'm not one to judge since I've never had a relationship where it got to the point of that. So maybe I'm inexperienced. Who knows. Oh well. Point is, her story made me think of relationships, whether it would be romantic or friendly. There's always some kind of love in relationship right? False. Even in close relationships, say family or 'best friends,' there's only you, and no one else. Everyone is selfish in their own way. No one is absolutely selfless. Who puts you above everyone else? Even if they'd die for you, they're considering their own life before doing it. Always about themselves. Just have to accept it. Don't get too close. You'll only get hurt.
Anyway, had Media Ethnography in a different room. Got lost trying to find it. Ended up in the Mac lab in the basement of Grenelle. Had a final cut pro tutorial from the film head, Mathieu. He's a baller. Taught us basics, stuff I already knew, so I surfed the net. [I learned it in another film class. I wasn't being rude.] Then, second block we watched Control Room. A documentary of America's "War on Terror" through the perspective of the Al Jazeera Media and Press. It was really interesting. Probably one of the best documentaries I've watched. Made me kind of hate my own nationality. Oops. You should watch it. Makes Americans seem ignorant and stupid. But for a good reason.
Then, went home dropped my books and stuff off and headed to The Moose to reunite with a high school friend I haven't seen in about 3 years. Except once, briefly in NYC while she was shopping with her sister. Briefly. So, she got lost, I went to find her and said hello, blahblahblah all that jazz. We grabbed a drink, talking nonstop about what's been going on, what we do in school, how we've grown. Wow. I can't believe it's been so long. I thought she would've known by now what my major was and the things I've been doing. [She's been keeping up with my sister.] But no. Wow. Made me realize I don't know what's going on in ANYONE's life. I'm so out of the loop. Even with my 'close group of friends' at NYU, I don't speak to them at all. No one takes the time to talk to me. Great. Fuck them. Yeah, people have their own lives, but relationships can't be one-sided. I always push, never get anything back. Done. [I had a lot of epiphanies that night]. Made it seem that really, I should be selfish. No one will care for me as much as I care for them. I'll keep my friends close, but never too close. I always share my life with everyone, stranger or best friend, so what do I have to worry about. I don't care if they know my life. They won't bother to even take enough in to remember, so what's the point?
Pause. Wow. Really pessimistic outlook of life.
Thing is, Paris has helped me. I've known these things before but, now I really know. Live for myself, be by myself. People might think otherwise. Well, prove me wrong. Yes, you and your friends probably love hanging out and you call them everyday. Think about the one girl or the one boy in your group of friends that you just seem to ignore. She or he will call you every so often, but you'll never take the time to go find them. Think about that lone person. Did you ever care enough to pay attention? Hmm? Do you think you pay enough attention? I'm not preaching. Really. It may seem like it. It may seem like I'm yelling through my words. I'm not. It's how I write. Everything seems angry. But, I have the right to be. Fuck it. I'll be the lone person. I don't expect anything from anything. They just disappoint me most of the time anyway.
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