So, 30 Rock, all three seasons are almost finished. Yay! This past week has been the most fun-filled dramatic week of my life. It's only been about 2 weeks since I've been back and there are problems already. Since when do people make problems for friends? I understand I'm starting ot ona bad not, but I just want to mention this once, then forget about it forever. Apparently, I'm the one with this dramatic problem. Sometimes, yes, but not all the time. When there's drama, it is NOT always my fault and I'm not going to take people's bullshit anymore. Skip ahead if you're not interested.
Friends are untrustworthy. All of them. Even your closest. How do you know that they won't turn on you, in a split second? Even my friends of 5-10 years are still on the edge, I can't trust. I did with this group of people I hung out with all throughout my freshman year of college, this did not turn out too well. I put my heart on the table, they know everything there is to know about me. I tell them everything. Thing is, after I did, they just assumed I was this conniving, sadistic, constantly angry bitch that they could put the blame on. Alright, I took it the first few times, I didn't realize it was my fault but I wanted to make amends. So, I apologize. Why do I have to do it first. ALL THE TIME. Even in high school. I'm a pushover. I may not seem like it, but if I consider you my friends, I'm the biggest pushover around. This sucks balls.
So, I had a problem with this girl from abroad. I've talked about her before I believe. She doesn't keep in contact with me or anything no form of communication. I'm upset because she talks to everyone else but me, and I considered her a close friend. Well, I guess not anymore. Recently she had this incident where she was on a film shoot and lightning hit something and killed a crew member. Upsetting right? Yes, it is. I'm not a monster. When her 'courier' told me about it, I wasn't moved really. I wasn't hearing it directly from her, and it seemed like a message that was saying, I'm coming to New York for no reason whatsoever so feel bad for me and comfort me all the time. Okay. I'm not going to sit there and talk to her like I like her until our previous conflict is resolved. These people KNOW how I am, they know that if I'm mad at you or do not like you, I will flat out be a bitch. They know this, they've seen it before, but when it comes to our little 'group', or rather THE group, it's unacceptable. I'm not the kind of person to put all feelings aside when something happens, even when it's death. I'm probably irrational about it and I know I'm not the 'bigger person' but whatever. This is who I am, judge me as you wish.
So, I told her courier friend that I don't really care for her situation. I'm not going to play nice and sit around and just say I'm sorry all the time when things never are my fault. I wanted to talk to her about our situation before I can actually tell her that I am sorry for her friend, and that she had to experience that. But now I take it back. I hate that my 'friends' have to tell me they stick up for me. Why is there any of this sticking up for me in the first place? What in fuck's sake have I done wrong? I sit around and sometimes read or study and not talk to these people and they assume I've gone wrong. Great. Fuck my life. I remember when Bree told me about my negative-ness. I was hurt, but I realized it's how I am, and how I deal with situations. I know she pushed away because it wasn't good for her well-being. I know. If these people knew, why didn't they do the same exact thing. Stupid fucks.
This leads to a phone call I got yesterday at work. The girl, Emellie, calls me up and tells me that she heard I wanted to talk to her but she had no desire to speak to me. So calling me and saying that makes her the bigger person? Number one, don't raise your voice at me once picking up the phone, it's all downhill from there. I was at work so I tried to not raise my voice, yet she's yelling about some nonsensical bullshit and tells me that the world doesn't revolve around me because she didn't talk to me in Paris. Stop. When did I ever think that the world revolved around me? When did I ever suggest this? I'm upset because she didn't see me as close as a friend as I, her. Stop. I flipped a shit, cussed out the situation, not at her, and hung up. I don't want to speak to someone who is so self-centered, conceited, who constantly needs attention, two faced, and a generally needy son of a bitch. I know who I am. I've been through enough bullshit to know that I don't need a lecture from someone who thinks that because she's had one relationship and dealt with a parents divorce makes her a stronger and better person than everyone else. Bull fucking shit.
I've dedicated enough time and energy on this. I'm done.
MOVING ON. Begin here to pass the bullshit.
Alors, last week, Friday, I was called for an interview at Izzy Gold Records, a branding slash record company. Had a previous internship going on, but skipped out for the interview. Waited 15 minutes passed my appointment, a little angry. After getting called in he steps out. He talks to me for about 45 minutes about everything, I'd basically be his bitch. Okay. Number one thing I do not like. But, after his speech slash anecdote he said, I like you. Come in Monday. What?! Okay I was happy but I didn't want to be a bitch. But I went anyway. So bored. What do I do? I want to stay with this company for now, give a few months see how it is, and if I don't learn anything, I will move on. Always the same thing.
But so far, I briefly met/saw Chace Crawford during the film reel shoot for the studio, the Countess from some bravo tv show with whom I practiced french with, and Izzy Gold. The musical genius I would like to one day work with. He's the CEO of the company, but I never see him, he has an apprentice who always sees him. Lucky bastard. These people are funny and really nice, but so far nothing too interesting. I can't sit in meetings, I can't do much really. Womp. Sit it out.
Saw John Legend this morning on the Good Morning America show. He's adorable, and better live than on the record. I want to be him. Except a woman. My friends visited me to see him too and they ended up crashing. It's 2:15PM they're still sleeping. My dad's coming around 4. Crap.
Going to Jersey this weekend to mellow out, and study Econ. Great. I hate school.
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